


paris, 2017

by undertow (cendal)



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-02 20:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12733863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cendal/pseuds/undertow
Summary: grant airday 1.3 of marius’ vacation: enjolras cracks his Intellectual veneer to reveal that he does not know what the ear of a corn is. more news at 11





	paris, 2017

**courfeyrock** changed the group name to **we <3 marius**

 

 

 **courfeyrock**  
day 1 of marius’ vacation: the sun has stopped shining and all the birds are crying for marius “kwak kwak marius where are you kwak kwak”

 **courfeyrock**  
it is Tragic

 **stop calling me pony**  
“kwak kwak”

 **grant air**  
that is absolutely how birds sound

 **prove air**  
it’s true, we fed ducks this morning and they said “kwak kwak why are you giving us stale bread kwak kwak why do you want us to suffer kwak kwak” as they crunched the bread with their little bird teeth

 **grant air**  
with teeth like that they can sound however they want to

 **courfeyrock**  
THANK you

 **courfeyrock**  
making fun of birds smh

 **courfeyrock**  
how heartless do you have to be…….

 **stop calling me pony**  
i don’t see any ducks around here to get offended…..

 **bahooter**  
actually i’m a duck and i’m offended

 **bahooter**  
square up PONY

 **prove air**  
this will answer the “would you fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck” once and for all

 **stop calling me pony**  
name a time and place….. ducker

 **bahooter**  
you have insulted me gravely

 **bahooter**  
i have no choice but to draw blood

 **bahooter**  
with my tiny duck teeth

 **bahooter**  
the park by the water, 3pm

 **bahooter**  
be there or be forcibly assimilated into 100 duck sized horses

 **prove air**  
not what i had in mind but

 **prove air**  
tbh i’d come to watch for that

 **grant air**  
let’s all go and bring stale bread

 **grant air**  
buying fresh bread is for the bourgeoisie

 **grant air**  
we go in with the hard crusts of the bread that we bought two months ago and kept in the freezer until a week and a half ago

 **grant air**  
and then we watch eponine fall apart into the 100 duck sized horses stuffed inside of her clothing

 **stop calling me pony**  
thanks

 **stop calling me pony**  
maybe instead i’ll smash his beak in and he’ll grow into a horse sized duck

 **bahooter**  
bro

 **bahooter**  
my duck teeth would be like a foot long

 **bahooter**  
that is the sickest thing i’ve ever heard

 **courfeyrock**  
if only marius was here to watch… :(

 **grant air**  
tbh he’d pee himself

 **grant air**  
he’d wear all black for a month after, looking distantly into the horizon as he goes through the motions of life, the image of bahorel’s duck body exploding outward exponentially, polyps manifesting and resolving as his skin stretches and expands to accommodate the new size of his bones and organs, repeating itself in his mind like a tiled desktop

 **grant air**  
marius if you backread we love you

 **courfeyrock**  
:(

 **stop calling me pony**  
ignoring that horrific imagery, yes marius will backread a week’s worth of messages

 **stop calling me pony**  
just because he loves us so much

 **stop calling me pony**  
smh

 **prove air**  
don’t listen to her marius!!! we love you

 **courfeyrock**  
you’re doing fine sweetie

 **bahooter**  
let the poor boy live

 **bahooter**  
he already has to spend 8 days with his gpa

 **prove air**  
we pray for his safe return

 **grant air**  
inb4 he’s back in a depressive episode by the time he’s back

 **courfeyrock**  
DON’T JINX HIM

 **courfeyrock**  
he doesn’t need any more bad energy than he’s already getting!!!!!!!!!!!

 **bahooter**  
ok ok

 **bahooter**  
jehan cleanse this

 **prove air**  


**prove air**  
here you are… a protection rune

 **courfeyrock**  
bless

 **grant air**  
can’t believe you couldn’t be assed to draw it yourself

 **prove air**  


**prove air**  
is that good enough for you

 **grant air**  
umm what are those straight lines?? freehand it

 **prove air**  
Why Do You Hate Me

 **grant air**  
I Love You i just want the very best for marius, whom we also love

 **prove air**  
Fine…….

 **prove air**  


**prove air**  
i have labored… to give him this freehanded, loving rune of protection… may he receive the benefits threefold

 **bahooter**  
marius: #protected

 **prove air**  
i hope he feels safe and warm wherever he is now…

 **courfeyrock**  
he Feels Our Love! emanating through the universe

 **grant air**  
the q is

 **grant air**  
does he feel the duck teeth?

 **stop calling me pony**  
tbh if he ever saw a duck up close he’d never be able to forget

 **courfeyrock**  
wait

 **courfeyrock**  
are you saying he’s never seen a duck up close?

 **stop calling me pony**  
why would he have ever seen a duck

 **prove air**  
he’s never… gone to a duck pond???

 **stop calling me pony**  
no

 **stop calling me pony**  
he’s seen birds flying but the closest he’s ever come is those little birds on campus

 **stop calling me pony**  
and maybe two pigeons

 **courfeyrock**  
What

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m going to have a conniption what in the world

 **courfeyrock**  
is he Okay????

 **prove air**  
how could he be okay

 **prove air**  
this poor man!!!!

 **prove air**  
when he comes back we need to take him duck seeing!!!

 **grant air**  
better freeze the rest of the bread again

 **grant air**  
so that he can feed the ducks

 **prove air**  
the bread’s been out for a week and a half it’s done

 **prove air**  
unavailable for more avian consumption

 **grant air**  
it’s not unavailable until more than half of its surface area is covered with mold

 **bahooter**  
bro

 **grant air**  
bro

 **courfeyrock**  
bro…………

 **prove air**  
what if……… i just made bread for marius when he comes back and we feed a crust bit to the ducks

 **grant air**  
ok

 **stop calling me pony**  
fr tho throw the rest of that bread away wtf

 **grant air**  
excuse me

 **grant air**  
carl and i have grown close over the past week and a half

 **courfeyrock**  
carl

 **bahooter**  
carl

 **comb ur ferre**  
What in the world have I come back to

 **courfeyrock**  
ferreee

 **courfeyrock**  
help us

 **courfeyrock**  
marius has never seen a duck :(

 **bahooter**  
and r is naming his bread again

 **grant air**  
some days i still miss elise

 **grant air**  
best challah i ever had

 **comb ur ferre**  
That was five years ago

 **comb ur ferre**  
You’ve celebrated other Rosh Hashanahs

 **grant air**  
but nothing will ever replace elise…..

 **comb ur ferre**  
I understand…

 **comb ur ferre**  
But really

 **comb ur ferre**  
What

 **prove air**  
we cannot even describe this to you

 **prove air**  
scroll up and (b)read for yourself

 **comb ur ferre**  
That’s a stretch

 **comb ur ferre**  
Also I have a feeling that I will be as lost as I am now, but alright

 **stop calling me pony**  
tl;dr marius has never seen a duck up close before and they want to take him duck seeing

 **bahooter**  
also ep and i are going to fight and i am either going to become Very Large or she is going to become Very Many

 **courfeyrock**  
perfect summary

 **courfeyrock**  
truly….,,, you could write the descriptions of podcast episodes

 **grant air**  
speaking of

 **grant air**  
whom wants to be on my next episode

 **courfeyrock**  
ummmmm Me?

 **bahooter**  
when are you recording……….

 **grant air**  
uhhhhhh probs thursday morning/afternoon cuz i'm off then

 **courfeyrock**  
nvm i go in at 10:30 on thursday LOL

 **grant air**  
heck

 **bahooter**  
i could do afternoon probs

 **stop calling me pony**  
same as courf

 **prove air**  
i can do afternoon!!! i’m off thursday c:

 **grant air**  
you and bath…… my saviors

 **bahooter**  
bath

 **bahooter**  
how could you

 **grant air**  
bahorel… bah… bath...

 **grant air**  
i saw the opportunity and i took it

 **stop calling me pony**  
sorry bath that’s who you are now

 **courfeyrock**  
you’re just gonna have to accept that you’re a bathroom apparatus

 **bahooter**  
never………..

 **bahooter**  
r it’s your turn to square up

 **bahooter**  
you, me, your bathroom, 4pm

 **courfeyrock**  
that leaves you one hour to fight pony

 **stop calling me pony**  
does no one read the name that i specifically chose to ward off being called pony

 **grant air**  
sorry we can’t hear you over your neighing

 **prove air**  
it’s very majestic, you should be proud

 **courfeyrock**  
day 1.2 of marius’ vacation: everyone has been murdered by devastatingly strong hooves

 **stop calling me pony**  
thanks i grew them myself

 **courfeyrock**  
that’s why they’re so strong……. they’re not storebought

 **courfeyrock**  
feels good, feels organic

 **grant air**  
if you can’t grow them yourself storebought is fine

 **prove air**  
my storebought hooves are as strong as homegrown hooves thank you

 **bahooter**  
what if you were gifted hooves

 **bahooter**  
what strength do they have

 **grant air**  
it depends did they buy them from the store or did they gnaw them off their legs

 **courfeyrock**  
did they include a gift receipt… it makes the hooves doubt their worth

 **prove air**  
um Obviously they gnawed them off

 **prove air**  
what kind of gifter wouldn’t gnaw off their own hoof

 **grant air**  
true

 **grant air**  
take my chewed off hooves jehan

 **grant air**  
i used my chompy horsey teeth

 **prove air**  
thank you i will drill a hole into them and make them into a necklace

 **prove air**  
let me chew off my own hoof to give to you

 **prove air**  
chomp chomp

 **grant air**  
chomp chomp

 **grant air**  
we’re like rodents whose teeth don’t stop growing, we gotta keep up somehow! get those chompers moving or you’ll Die

 **prove air**  
i’m chomping as fast as i can!!!!

 **comb ur ferre**  
Hey

 **comb ur ferre**  
What did we say about gore  & body horror in group chats

 **grant air**  
shoot

 **grant air**  
but…. do we have to abide by it if the reason for the rule is absent……..

 **comb ur ferre**  
Grantaire………..

 **grant air**  
combeferre…………

 **prove air**  
sorry :c

 **bahooter**  
delete the messages you weaklings

 **courfeyrock**  
marius if you’re still reading this we love you

 **stop calling me pony**  
and grantaire will be appropriately punished

 **stop calling me pony**  
at 4pm in his bathroom by bahorel

 **bahooter**  
LMAO YEAH

 **bahooter**  
GONNA GET FUCKED UP

 **bahooter**  
i have marius’ honor to defend now

 **courfeyrock**  
pls keep it safe…

 **courfeyrock**  
we are his only defenders… in his time of need………..

 **prove air**  
(that time is now)

 **prove air**  
(we have to defend him while he’s gone)

 **courfeyrock**  
(yes)

 **grant air**  
ep i can’t believe you sided against me……. after all i’ve done for you……. after all the times i’ve had your back…….

 **stop calling me pony**  
you said i neighed so fuck you

 **grant air**  
don’t blame me for your braying

 **stop calling me pony**  
keep this up and you’re going to have a fight at 5pm

 **grant air**  
please……… i’m nickering at your whinnying

 **prove air**  
are you… are you googling what sounds a horse makes

 **grant air**  
are you squealing on me wtf

 **prove air**  
p lease

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m snorting

 **grant air**  
my brother…………..

 **grant air**  
my stallion………………………

 **courfeyrock**  
ok you just

 **courfeyrock**  
made that weird

 **stop calling me pony**  
wonder what enjolras will think

 **Enjolras**  
Think of what?

 **bahooter**  
LMFAO

 **courfeyrock**  
wtf how long have you been here!!!!

 **Enjolras**  
I’m taking a break from studying.

 **courfeyrock**  
wait

 **courfeyrock**  
didn’t you get up around 6 to study

 **Enjolras**  
Yes………

 **stop calling me pony**  
you and combeferre are the only people who would willingly spend 6 hours studying on a sunday

 **comb ur ferre**  
Our lives revolve around school and when we graduate we will be bereft

 **Enjolras**  
It’s true. We have to cram our heads full of all the information available to us through university before we are cast out into the uncaring world.

 **grant air**  
every time you say something my eyes refuse to read it

 **Enjolras**  
TL;DR we love studying.

 **grant air**  
thank you i finally understand

 **stop calling me pony**  
anyway i g2g to work

 **stop calling me pony**  
i’ll make it to the thunderdomes on my breaks

 **bahooter**  
i’ll be waiting in the duck park for you

 **prove air**  
good luck at work!!!

 **grant air**  
we believe in you

 **comb ur ferre**  
Hope your shift isn’t horrible

 **Enjolras**  
Good luck!

 **bahooter**  
tbh i should probably start getting ready for work too

 **prove air**  
i go in at 1:30 :/

 **bahooter**  
lmao same

 **courfeyrock**  
i don’t work until tuesday so Thank God

 **grant air**  
i was abt to say “oh look at you… able to go DAYS without working…” but uhhhhhh i almost always have a three day weekend so i can’t say shit

 **courfeyrock**  
*grantaire voice* oh look at me… able to go DAYS without working… ;) ;)

 **courfeyrock**  
tbh tho i think my manager has it in for me

 **courfeyrock**  
the life of a bakery bi is no longer one to be proud of

 **courfeyrock**  
wearing my keebler hat does not bring me as much joy as it used to :(

 **prove air**  
day 1.25 of marius’ vacation: we already need his sunshine and loving cuddles to save courfeyrac from doom

 **courfeyrock**  
we DO

 **courfeyrock**  
we really do

 **grant air**  
hmu and we can lie down on my couch together

 **Enjolras**  
Or he can tread into my room.

 **courfeyrock**  
such tempting offers………

 **prove air**  
i’d go with r because we washed his throw blanket on friday and laid down for like 4 hours. it was heaven

 **prove air**  
it also made me forget to submit my assignment on time but

 **comb ur ferre**  
Being in Enjolras’ room gives you the power and strength to do your work and continue on

 **grant air**  
that was a very poetic defense of enjolras

 **bahooter**  
good on you ferre

 **bahooter**  
a true friend coming to his aid

 **bahooter**  
looks like i’m the tiebreaker………

 **courfeyrock**  
oh bahorel bahorel… tell me whom to choose….

 **bahooter**  
i say……………….

 **bahooter**  
Be Alone You Fool

 **courfeyrock**  
GASP

 **prove air**  
wow………. such a simple answer all along

 **grant air**  
You Foolish Specter… How Can You Deny Him Comfort

 **bahooter**  
Easily…. And With Relish

 **bahooter**  


**courfeyrock**  
PLEASE LOL

 **courfeyrock**  
except no...i hate relish

 **grant air**  
interesting… i also… hate relish…….

 **grant air**  
*thinking emoji*

 **courfeyrock**  
shrimpteresting

 **prove air**  
*thinking emojis back*

 **prove air**  
does anyone actually like relish

 **bahooter**  
um,....... Me?

 **bahooter**  
why do you guys hate Delicious Food

 **grant air**  
Where Is The Delicious Food Of Which You Speak

 **grant air**  
I Don’t See It

 **bahooter**  
It’s Right Here You Fool

 **courfeyrock**  
a hotel why

 **courfeyrock**  
a hotel

 **courfeyrock**  
BAHOREL*** i’m dying

 **bahooter**  
a hotel

 **grant air**  
a hotel

 **prove air**  
a hotel

 **comb ur ferre**  
Do you not have his name saved in your phone dictionary……….

 **bahooter**  
i’m so hurt……….

 **courfeyrock**  
no i just live life on the edge… typos are the spice of life

 **courfeyrock**  
however, speaking of

 **courfeyrock**  
cilantro??? spice of death

 **comb ur ferre**  
I can’t believe you think cilantro is disgusting

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe you think its NOT...

 **prove air**  
wait

 **prove air**  
since when is cilantro disgusting

 **prove air**  
i like cilantro :c

 **Enjolras**  
I’m very sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree.

 **Enjolras**  
Cilantro is terrible.

 **courfeyrock**  
THANK you

 **courfeyrock**  
this is a cilantro free household

 **comb ur ferre**  
Whenever we get Taco Bell, I have to hide in my room with my cilantro-ridden guacamole and pico de gallo to avoid the looks they give me

 **comb ur ferre**  
I can’t help that I’m not affected by the cilantro-hating gene

 **Enjolras**  
We don’t hate it THAT much.

 **Enjolras**  
You don’t need to squirrel it away in your room.

 **Enjolras**  
You just need to never keep a significant amount of it present in our home.

 **courfeyrock**  
just ordered a new shirt check it out

 **courfeyrock**  


**prove air**  
this literally feels like everyone except for ferre and i are infected with some virus

 **prove air**  
and the only cure will be to eat cilantro and so only we two will survive……… eating the world’s supply of cilantro

 **courfeyrock**  
listen… i’d rather die than eat a bushel of cilantro so

 **grant air**  
okay real q

 **grant air**  
how much cilantro would we have to eat

 **grant air**  
we could eat like a pinch of it straight out of a bushel. just pick up a pinch of fresh cilantro in our fingers and drop it in our mouths like powder in pills

 **grant air**  
but if it’s an entire bushel (which is 8 imperial or US gallons according to wikipedia)

 **grant air**  
then we’ll take death over cilantro

 **courfeyrock**  
how much googling are you putting into this

 **grant air**  
did you know that the exact volume of a bushel is different depending on if you are in the UK or the US or canada

 **courfeyrock**  
sounds like something the produce dept at work would get into heated debates about

 **prove air**  
bushels result in different weights of produces depending on what’s put in! and also the format

 **prove air**  
ex. a bushel of corn with ears is heavier than corn without ears

 **Enjolras**  
I have a question.

 **Enjolras**  
What, exactly, is the ear of a corn?

 **prove air**  
it’s the thing with the kernels on it

 **Enjolras**  
Oh.

 **grant air**  
did we finally discover something that enjolras didn’t know

 **grant air**  
did we finally shred his encyclopedia of a brain

 **grant air**  
day 1.3 of marius’ vacation: enjolras cracks his Intellectual veneer to reveal that he does not know what the ear of a corn is. more news at 11

 **prove air**  
to be fair, i’m not sure if most people would know what part of corn the ear refers to

 **prove air**  
i thought it was the husk until i was shucking corn when i was 12 and realized “why would the husk be called two separate things”

 **Enjolras**  
There are a lot of things I don’t know.

 **Enjolras**  
I have a follow-up question.

 **Enjolras**  
For the bushels of corn without ears, does that mean that they scrape off the kernels into the bushel?

 **prove air**  
yes it’d just be kernels

 **Enjolras**  
I see.

 **Enjolras**  
Thank you.

 **grant air**  
sometimes i wonder if you’re an alien from outer space attempting to pass off as an earth human but finding yourself unable to conceive of earth customs such as “corn ears” and “scraping off kernels”

 **bahooter**  
it’d be fucked up if our ears were the size of corn ears

 **bahooter**  
like… really fucked up

 **courfeyrock**  
can confirm enjolras is an alien

 **courfeyrock**  
my proof? only aliens could have pores as clear as his

 **courfeyrock**  
either that or i desperately need to steal his skincare routine immediately

 **Enjolras**  
I do DIY pore treatments. All those times you've seen me boiling water but without making tea? That was to use for my pores.

 **courfeyrock**  
ok thanks for explaining that because i was also going to use that against you in the case that you’re an alien

 **courfeyrock**  
day 1.4 of marius’ vacation: despite prior accusations, enjolras is not an alien and has flawless skin

 **grant air**  
but how can we be sure

 **grant air**  
suspicious that he knew what to say to make his actions seem less incriminating………

 **prove air**  
true...

 **prove air**  
how can we Really know…

 **bahooter**  
maybe his real form has corn ears and he’s throwing us off his trail........

 **grant air**  
maybe his real form……… IS corn

 **prove air**  
the corn silk…..,,,, is his hair

 **grant air**  
he doesn’t have real clothes, only interchangeable husks

 **bahooter**  
all those kernels act as eyes and that’s how he knows so much

 **courfeyrock**  
but… WHERE are the kernels...

 **bahooter**  
he’s using them to read even when his main eyes are asleep

 **courfeyrock**  
but wheremst are they located

 **comb ur ferre**  
Well, he DOES listen to audiobooks while he sleeps.

 **prove air**  
he’s using his corn ears to listen while he’s asleep!!!!

 **prove air**  
we did it! we cracked the code!!!

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **grant air**

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe you think a piece of corn is Cute

 **grant air**  
wow

 **grant air**  
Wow

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **grant air**  
so enjolras

 **grant air**  
do you have any corny words for us or are you a husk of your former self

 **Enjolras**  
Your dedication to puns amaizes me.

 **courfeyrock**  
OH

 **prove air**  
:O

 **prove air**  
a pun opponent!

 **grant air**  
why have you chosen now to turn your ear to me and grant me an audience

 **grant air**  
have i infringed on your field of expertise

 **Enjolras**  
There is a kernel of truth in there.

 **Enjolras**  
My name may not crop up when asked about who the resident pun master is, but that’s because I reserve it for when it’s needed.

 **grant air**  
aw shucks

 **grant air**  
making me feel bad for throwing puns everywhere

 **Enjolras**  
You’re right. It’s despicoble.

 **prove air**  
Please

 **prove air**  
also the difference in typing styles made the mental imagery i got like

 **prove air**  
enjolras, sitting coolly at the table, fingers touching like the godfather of some mafia clan, while grantaire throws corn meal at chickens (the puns are corn meal) (this is not coming out of nowhere) (but i already started typing so i have to commit)

 **grant air**  
(ur doing ur best)

 **bahooter**  
you mean that’s NOT what they were doing???

 **grant air**  
ok but real talk my mom adopted a chicken in retaliation to empty nest syndrome

 **prove air**  
bye what

 **grant air**  
i mean it’s not like she’s going to kill it for food because she’s not qualified

 **grant air**  
so she literally adopted a chicken to have as a child

 **grant air**  
her new chick

 **bahooter**  
you got replaced by a chicken

 **bahooter**  
that is the saddest thing i’ve ever heard

 **bahooter**  
(also i have to get ready to go to work…….,,,,,)

 **prove air**  
SHOOT me too

 **prove air**  
Jobs……… Despicoble

 **courfeyrock**  
Please

 **grant air**  
good luck

 **grant air**  
don’t die

 **prove air**  
shoot! there goes my plans for the day

 **prove air**  
dying was at the top of my list

 **bahooter**  
lmao If Only

 **bahooter**  
ok ok getting ready brb

 **courfeyrock**  
looks like it’s just us now………

 **grant air**  
are you talking to ferre, enj, or me

 **courfeyrock**  
um All Of You? why would i leave any of you out

 **grant air**  
hmmmm

 **courfeyrock**  
hmmmm i’m talking about you r hmmmm

 **Enjolras**  
I need a real break soon, anyway. We could all go for coffee?

 **Enjolras**  
Since Grantaire said he’s also off work today.

 **bahooter**  
i can’t believe you’re going to get coffee without us

 **prove air**  
we’ll get you back for this…..

 **prove air**  
after our shifts

 **prove air**  
love you all xx

 **grant air**  
good luck xx

 **Enjolras**  
Hope your days aren’t terribly hectic.

 **courfeyrock**  
stay safe!!!!!

 **comb ur ferre**  
Good luck

 **comb ur ferre**  
Also coffee sounds like a good idea

 **grant air**  
oh that was a real suggestion

 **grant air**  
yeah i mean we could

 **grant air**  
i’ll need to take a shower tho

 **courfeyrock**  
take a shower!!!!!!!!

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **grant air**

 **courfeyrock**  
this is like the 4th time you’ve showered right before seeing enjolras

 **courfeyrock**  
i see right through you!!!!!!!!

 **grant air**  
if by see you mean smell then yes

 **grant air**  
i haven’t showered in 4 days courf

 **courfeyrock**  
relatable BUT

 **courfeyrock**  
interesting how you only shower when you’re about to meet enjolras

 **courfeyrock**  
Shrimpteresting, Even

 **grant air**  
shrimpteresting.......

 **grant air**  
anyway brb

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **courfeyrock**  
sooo check back in in 20 min???

 **Enjolras**  
Sounds like a plan.

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
shrimptresting how enjolras goes into a pun battle with grantaire then wants to meet him for coffee

 **comb ur ferre**  
Interesting

 **comb ur ferre**  
Could be shrimpbolic, could just be a shrimpincidence

 **courfeyrock**  
ferre please my shrimp puns are all i have at this point don’t outshine me...

 **courfeyrock**  
(shrimpbolic was so good though)

 **courfeyrock**  
anyway i was Just raising the point *thinking emoji*

 **courfeyrock**  
but i also have to shower soooooo brb

 

 

 **closette** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **closette**  
courf you’re so lucky you’re not working right now???? i could barely get away to take my lunch we’re so busy :(

 **closette**  
also? i support this chat and its purpose despite the onslaught of messages devouring 54% of my battery

 **closette**  
that being said i haven’t been able to backread anything so um

 **closette**  
marius sweetie i don’t fully condone what’s been said above... Yet

 **courfeyrock**  
cosette!! i’m so sorry honey...

 **courfeyrock**  
day 1.5 of marius’ vacation: cosette and i desperately need new jobs and for marius to return already

 **closette**  
oh! is that a little thing we’re doing?

 **courfeyrock**  
yes they’re like little breaking news segments it’s frankly kind of cute i love it

 **comb ur ferre**  
Courf I can hear the water running and Beyonce playing

 **comb ur ferre**  
Weren’t you going to shower

 **comb ur ferre**  
Also hi Cosette, sorry to hear about work

 **courfeyrock**  
ummm i’m Going…

 **courfeyrock**  
cosette i love and support you you can do it!!!!! brb!!!!

 **grant air**  
cosette ma chère

 **grant air**  
i’m sorry that being a keebler is Hard Work

 **closette**  
tbh i have an eye on this other bakery marius and i have been going to… its workers look so bright-eyed and happy

 **closette**  
i want to know what that’s like

 **comb ur ferre**  
Is this the bakery that makes the carrot cake cupcakes Courfeyrac has been bringing home for me

 **closette**  
it is!

 **comb ur ferre**  
Perhaps learning more about the institution would be beneficial

 **comb ur ferre**  
Such as uncovering the secret behind their carrot cake

 **grant air**  
maybe you should change your s/n to “feed your ferre”

 **closette**  
Feed Him

 **grant air**  
Consume Him

 **comb ur ferre**  
Please don’t

 **closette**  
i’m glad you’re enjoying the cupcakes though c:

 **closette**  
i think they’re a little better than the ones we make but i’m not sure how…….

 **grant air**  
their secret ingredient? carrots

 **closette**  
there’s already carrots in ours r

 **grant air**  
their secret ingredient? More Carrots

 **closette**  
hmm

 **closette**  
i’m waiting in line at the drive thru for taco bell

 **grant air**  
are you going to get guacamole and/or pico de gallo

 **closette**  
i always eat my quesadillas with guacamole……..,,,,

 **comb ur ferre**  
He’s asking because we’ve discovered that everyone except Jehan and I hate cilantro, and cilantro exists in guacamole and pico de gallo

 **closette**  
oh yeah courf hates it when we kiss him after eating guacamole

 **closette**  
it’s funny to see him scrunch up his face

 **grant air**  
that’s gay

 **grant air**  
jehan and i are safe in our bubble of no cilantro

 **grant air**  
have… have we ever actually seen fresh cilantro actually

 **closette**  
how have you never seen fresh cilantro

 **grant air**  
shhh i’m thinking

 **grant air**  


**grant air**  
how am i supposed to tell if i’ve ever seen freshly chopped cilantro when it looks the same as when i chop spinach except drier

 **closette**  
why is your spinach always wet……...

 **grant air**  
why wouldn’t it be

 **closette**  
fair

 **comb ur ferre**  
My spinach is always wet, too. I wash them before I use them, even when half the tupperware is already gone and I’ve already washed them twice

 **closette**  
ohhhh yeah that makes sense

 **closette**  
i was imagining just perpetually soggy chopped spinach

 **jolllly**  
the kernels have to be nipples right?

 **courfeyrock**  
THANK YOU

 **courfeyrock**  
also i’m so clean right now

 **closette**  
that was like... 6 minutes courf

 **courfeyrock**  
that’s like an hour in dog years...i took an hour long dog shower

 **courfeyrock**  
also thank u joly i love and appreciate you sm???????

 **grant air**  
nipple kernel enjolras

 **grant air**  
please i’m imagining two kernels stacked on top of the normal corn cob just jutting out

 **Enjolras**  
Okay, you made that weirder than it already was.

 **jolllly**  
it’s just corn anatomy

 **jollly**  
hold on

 **jolllly**  


**Enjolras**  
That’s me.

 **Enjolras**  
The husk is my pants.

 **closette**  
i can’t believe my lunch break is ending on an actual photo of cornjolras

 **courfeyrock**  
cosette!!! i love you!!! you got this!!! i’m sending so many good vibes

 **courfeyrock**  
also?? this is all i ever needed to see and more

 **courfeyrock**  
it’s...beautiful

 **grant air**  
*amaizing

 **courfeyrock**  
***blocked

 **grant air**  
anyway good luck cosette you can do it

 **grant air**  
also joly it has been so long since we’ve seen you……. can you tear yourself away from coursework long enough to come have coffee with us………

 **jolllly**  
you saw me yesterday……. i spoke to you before going to bed……... I’ve Been Here

 **grant air**  
that was over 6 hours ago so ummmm Doesn’t Exist?

 **jolllly**  
i’m Always Here

 **jolllly**  
in ur Heart……………

 **jolllly**  
in the right atrium

 **jolllly**  
helping ur blood Breathe…….

 **grant air**  
Help Me Breathe……………… I Have Asthma

 **grant air**  
q

 **grant air**  
what effect does blood have on asthma

 **jolllly**  
grantaire

 **jolllly**  
my dearest friend

 **jolllly**  
my eternal companion

 **jolllly**  
asthma involves the lungs, airways, and muscles surrounding the airways

 **grant air**  
or does it………… *thinking emoji*

 **courfeyrock**  
r has a point :?

 **comb ur ferre**  
This is turning into a conspiracy theory about whether lungs are actually lungs

 **comb ur ferre**  
Which they are

 **courfeyrock**  
first liking cilantro…now lungs are real...ferre...please

 **grant air**  
maybe enjolras isn’t the only alien here.........

 **grant air**  
combeferre what do you have to say for yourself

 **comb ur ferre**  
You seem eager to throw out accusations…. Could you, perhaps, be hiding something yourself?

 **jolllly**  
an interesting proposition……..

 **jolllly**  
perhaps even… A True One?

 **grant air**  
after all i’ve done for you…….. after everything we’ve been through together….,,, you Accuse Me

 **comb ur ferre**  
After all I’ve done for you… After everything we’ve been through together… You accuse *me*

 **grant air**  
i can’t believe this……… i, who have done nothing wrong, Attacked

 **comb ur ferre**  
Have you truly done nothing wrong?

 **comb ur ferre**  
grant air: sometimes i wonder if you’re an alien from outer space attempting to pass off as an earth human but finding yourself unable to conceive of earth customs such as “corn ears” and “scraping off kernels”

 **comb ur ferre**  
grant air: every time you say something my eyes refuse to read it

 **comb ur ferre**  
Then What Do You Call These?

 **jolllly**  
grantaire!!!!! stop being mean to enjolras we’ve talked about this

 **grant air**  
I Have Done Nothing Wrong

 **courfeyrock**  
Right

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe we’re all aliens

 **grant air**  
you with your six minute shower

 **grant air**  
Maybe You Were Washing Off In The Sink?

 **grant air**  
Another Corn Alien????? Exposed

 **jolllly**  
*thinking emojis*

 **jolllly**  
if the offer of coffee is serious tho then just tell me the time and place

 **jolllly**  
i could even rustle up bossuet and chetta if we wanted a Group Outing

 **jolllly**  
(they’ve just woken up and could frankly use a cuppa…….)

 **courfeyrock**  
yes!!! please

 **courfeyrock**  
coffee for everyone...available atm

 **grant air**  
so we’re gonna meet up at the coffee place enjolras likes bc he’s here even though he’s Silent

 **Enjolras**  
I’m studying.

 **Enjolras**  
*Finishing studying.

 **comb ur ferre**  
There’s never an end to studying

 **Enjolras**  
*Postponing studying until we’ve caffeinated ourselves, with the intent to go back in with new vigor.

 **grant air**  
that honestly sounds disgusting

 **grant air**  
i’m so glad i’m not a lawyer

 **grant air**  
or doctor

 **jolllly**  
i know so much more about the body than i’ve ever wanted to

 **jolllly**  
For Example i’ve had nearly 15 headaches this month which means that currently i have episodic migraines and if i go over 15 then i have chronic and this condition can be caused by Many Different Factors, including overactivity of the brain (Real), problems in the brain (What), brain bleeding (What!!!!), brain tumor (WHAT!!!!!), etc

 **courfeyrock**  
joly sweetie i hope ur getting decaf

 **jolllly**  
i am

 **jolllly**  
headaches can also be caused by dehydration and coffee is dehydrating so i’m also bringing a bottle of water

 **courfeyrock**  
do u all think marius is staying hydrated

 **Enjolras**  
Maybe they’re tension headaches? You’ve been stressed recently.

 **Enjolras**  
Also Marius is taking a cruise. I’m sure that he is drinking sparkling water at this very moment.

 **courfeyrock**  
does that count as Real water though

 **courfeyrock**  
who even knows

 **courfeyrock**  
anyway...coffee

 **grant air**  
according to quora dot com sparkling water has a ph of 3-4 in comparison to normal water with a ph of 7-9 so if you think alkaline water (normal water) has more health benefits then no sparkling water is not water but otherwise , it is indeed real water

 **grant air**  
my name is grantaire and i am a certified scientist

 **grant air**  
yes tho coffee

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
would it be too obvious if i wore the green shirt enjolras complimented once

 **grant air**  
i feel like i’ve worn it the past few times i’ve seen him

 **courfeyrock**  
wear it inside out

 **courfeyrock**  
jk um

 **courfeyrock**  
idk it might...be…do you have OTHER green shirts :?

 **grant air**  
uhhhh yes but they’re not clean

 **grant air**  
last time i did clothes laundry was …………..

 **grant air**  
…………,,,,,,,,,

 **grant air**  
Some Time Ago

 **grant air**  
i haven’t worn this shirt since we went out to get sushi tho so it should be good probably

 **courfeyrock**  
yeah the wasabi u dropped on it blended in rly well ?????

 **grant air**  
OK OK other candidates are:

 **grant air**  
my cat astronaut shirt which i slept in one week ago but haven’t worn since,

 **grant air**  
my x files

 **grant air**  
i need to wear my x files shirt

 **grant air**  
They’re Out There

 **courfeyrock**  
CORN

 **courfeyrock**  
yes...yes i approve

 **courfeyrock**  
also we’re about to leave so ummm u gotta Go Fast

 **grant air**  
I’m Going

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **grant air**  
ok we’re Going

 **grant air**  
Getting Coffee

 **grant air**  
No More Pauses For Showers

 **grant air**  
We Are On Our Way

 **jolllly**  
ummm we will be slightly late as bossuet has just dropped his glass of water and broken it but yes! we are On Our Way

 **courfeyrock**  
also On The Way!!!

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
ok was that laugh that enj did directed at you or me

 **grant air**  
because he looked at me and then looked at you

 **courfeyrock**  
idek tbh???

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe you? i mean since he looked at you first

 **courfeyrock**  
and then he looked at me because i’m cute ;?

 **grant air**  
hmmmm

 **grant air**  
enjolras looking at anyone because they’re cute hmmm sounds fake but alright

 **courfeyrock**  
fair…

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe it’s the shirt…

 **grant air**  
oh

 **grant air**  
hmmm

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
It’s Beginning

 **comb ur ferre**  
Oh, no. How? He’s only just arrived

 **courfeyrock**  
grant air: ok was that laugh that enj did directed at you or me

 **comb ur ferre**  
Grantaire…………

 **courfeyrock**  
i KNOW

 **courfeyrock**  
i am STRESS…

 **courfeyrock**  
i also told him it was bc i was cute…

 **comb ur ferre**  
Courfeyrac…………...

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **Enjolras**  
I have a question.

 **courfeyrock**  
ummm ok but i’m not a corn expert like jehan

 **Enjolras**  
It’s a question about people, which you ARE good at.

 **Enjolras**  
Why is it that Grantaire only wears new shirts when you’re around?

 **courfeyrock**  
ummm pardon

 **Enjolras**  
I’ve never seen that shirt before.

 **Enjolras**  
Before last month, I hadn’t seen his cat astronaut shirt, either, but he wore it when we got bagels.

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe that’s his bagel shirt….

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe he wears new shirts bc im cute ;?

 **Enjolras**  
Oh.

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
Help Me

 **comb ur ferre**  
Oh, no

 **comb ur ferre**  
Grantaire has done nothing but make corn puns for the past 2 minutes. What could Enjolras be texting about

 **courfeyrock**  
Enjolras: Why is it that Grantaire only wears new shirts when you’re around?

 **comb ur ferre**  
I

 **comb ur ferre**  
I don’t know what to say

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m so sorry that you are put into this position

 **courfeyrock**  
i ALSO told him it was bc i was cute…

 **courfeyrock**  
now they both think the other thinks i’m cute except r is less convinced ??? but

 **courfeyrock**  
i try my best i really do

 **comb ur ferre**  
You realize that Enjolras will end up asking you before the week is out if you think that Grantaire is cute, right?

 **comb ur ferre**  
He’ll knock on your door and ask you and you’ll look at the clock before asking if he’s taken his meds yet and he’ll say “......... no” because he’s been up for the past 12 hours thinking about you saying that Grantaire thinks you’re cute

 **courfeyrock**  
listen....

 **courfeyrock**  
i tried

 **courfeyrock**  
i have 2 Deal W The Consequences

 **comb ur ferre**  
Good luck………..

 

 

 **jolllly** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **jolllly**  
what is happening ferre just typed a novel

 **courfeyrock**  
listen i’m just 2 cute and 2 popular 4 my own good

 **jolllly**  
What Have You Done

 **courfeyrock**  
listen everyone has messaged me at this table except for chetta n bossuet in the past like 5 minutes and i’ve made a Mess

 **courfeyrock**  
next thing u know im going to message the wrong person and make everything Worse

 **courfeyrock**  
knock on wood

 **jolllly**  
the table is plastic……….

 **jolllly**  
your fate is sealed…….. it was nice knowing you

 **courfeyrock**  
rip

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
i noticed you knocking on the table

 **grant air**  
i also noticed that it didn’t faze enjolras, who is still gazing contemplatively past my shoulder

 **grant air**  
i ALSO noticed that this occurred after some texting between the two of you

 **grant air**  
how did you break him and why

 **courfeyrock**  
i didn’t do anything

 **courfeyrock**  
you’ll never take me alive

 **grant air**  
i have my eye on you

 

 

 **chetta cheese** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **chetta cheese**  
everyone is sending messages and i want to be included,,, what’s the hot goss

 **courfeyrock**  
im cute

 **courfeyrock**  
also ur eyeliner? sharp

 **chetta cheese**  
thanks! i used tape

 **chetta cheese**  
also ofc you’re cute! but what is the story here

 **chetta cheese**  
has someone……. Confessed Feelings…………

 **courfeyrock**  
not...exactly

 **courfeyrock**  
however i may have fabricated feelings that are causing? issues? i?

 **courfeyrock**  
it was just a Joke

 **chetta cheese**  
is that why enjolras is looking thoughtfully at the barista

 **chetta cheese**  
did you say the barista thinks you’re cute but enjolras is wondering if the barista is good enough for you

 **chetta cheese**  
or is this related to grantaire and/or combeferre

 **courfeyrock**  
well like r texted me first ? and then enj ? ferre is there for emotional support

 **courfeyrock**  
also joly was there

 **courfeyrock**  
you know everyone is still technically Here but

 **chetta cheese**  
he was there metaphorically yes

 **chetta cheese**  
but that sounds like a doozy

 **chetta cheese**  
good luck digging your way out of this one!

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
ok i think i got it

 **grant air**  
enjolras is looking at the barista

 **courfeyrock**  
yes!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
of course yes that’s what it is

 **grant air**  
he’s looking at the barista either bc he thinks they’re cute or bc you think they’re cute

 **grant air**  
which is it

 **courfeyrock**  
u know me…

 **courfeyrock**  
gotta love those baristas……..

 **grant air**  
so judging from the way you’re typing at me it’s actually bc enjolras thinks they’re cute

 **grant air**  
i knew i should’ve worn the green shirt

 **grant air**  
how can i compete with someone who makes coffee for a living

 **grant air**  
all i do is sort mail

 **grant air**  
what kind of job is a mail sorter anyway….. it’s a Fake Job for Fake People who Don’t Exist

 **courfeyrock**  
umm incorrect

 **courfeyrock**  
mail sorting is like really unique...imagine how many love letters u’ve made sure have gone to the right place…

 **courfeyrock**  
and letters to père noël…

 **courfeyrock**  
and bill past due notices

 **grant air**  
yeah i’m the guy that gives people their bills

 **grant air**  
wow

 **grant air**  
i can’t believe i expected a shirt to Overcome my being the bill guy

 **grant air**  
Self Deprecating Zone Woops

 **grant air**  
anyway i’m going to just drink my coffee and pretend that enjolras isn’t staring right past me at the barista…. gonna just Let This Go

 **courfeyrock**  
i like the shirt it was a good choice i promise :(

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe enj just didn’t get the connection...

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
honestly? going to die right now right here

 **courfeyrock**  
*right here right now? does it matter

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’ve noticed that you’re at the center of quite a long series of texts from multiple different people

 **comb ur ferre**  
What’s going on now?

 **courfeyrock**  
i cursed myself and sealed my fate because i knocked on a plastic table instead of a wood one, i told chetta her eyeliner was popping, grantaire thinks that enjolras likes the barista, he also feels like his job and life are worthless, and also again im DYING

 **courfeyrock**  
also has enjolras been blinking

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m not sure

 **comb ur ferre**  
You really are dealing with the consequences

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m going to try to salvage this

 **courfeyrock**  
*u voice* “So, Grantaire, I notice you’re wearing an appropriate shirt today. Enjolras, have you seen it?”

 **courfeyrock**  
SERIOUSLY?? VERY SUBTLE

 **courfeyrock**  
they’re going to know i’ve been spilling the beans!!!! everywhere!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
at least r is

 **comb ur ferre**  
It made him focus his gaze, so I judge it a success

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m sorry for the incoming messages

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
what was that

 **grant air**  
*enj voice* “Oh. Yeah, it’s a good shirt. I like it.”

 **grant air**  
did you plan this with ferre wtf

 **courfeyrock**  
no!!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
ferre and enjolras just like ur shirt

 **courfeyrock**  
sorry :(?????

 **grant air**  
a likely story…………..

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **Enjolras**  
He looks uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong?

 **courfeyrock**  
uhhhh no…….

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe they used reg milk instead of soy milk and his tummy hurts

 **Enjolras**  
Is he lactose intolerant?

 **courfeyrock**  
milk can fuck ANYBODY up

 **Enjolras**  
Milk has never hurt me.

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **marius**

 **courfeyrock**  
i know u have like no wifi but it's still day 1 and everything is going wrong

 **courfeyrock**  
did you know enjolras has...never been harmed by milk and is also an alien

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m also cursed

 **courfeyrock**  
i hope shuffleboard is fun…

 **courfeyrock**  
and that your gpa isn’t telling you that you don’t have the right level of kavanah or that you aren’t praying enough

 **courfeyrock**  
he keeps trying to convert you back to orthodoxy but you can Stay Strong!

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **courfeyrock**  
well...you’re one of the lucky ones...for now

 **Enjolras**  
I’m aware that people may develop allergens as they age, and milk may one day be my enemy, but it’s unlikely.

 **courfeyrock**  
i like ur confidence

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **jolllly**

 **courfeyrock**  
enjolras thinks he’s immune to lactose

 **courfeyrock**  
i meant to send this to ferre but you’re also a doctor so i guess it’s fine

 **jolllly**  
i like his confidence

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
enjolras thinks he’s immune to lactose

 **courfeyrock**  
also i told him r has a stomach ache

 **courfeyrock**  
also r totally knows whats up

 **courfeyrock**  
also i drank my coffee waaay too fast

 **courfeyrock**  
inb4 coffee is a Stimulant n i shuld be getting decaf anyway

 **courfeyrock**  
this is an EmergenCy

 **courfeyrock**  
the capital c is for either me or u

 **comb ur ferre**  
1) Enjolras may never develop lactose intolerance; people with European ancestry tend to maintain their lactase levels (lactase is what helps you digest lactose) throughout their lives, whereas for Africans and Asians, their lactase levels usually decrease as they age. So it’s a tossup on which parent he’ll take after

 **comb ur ferre**  
2) Smooth

 **comb ur ferre**  
3) You’re cursed

 **courfeyrock**  
can’t wait 4 this curse to Kill Me Immediately

 **comb ur ferre**  
It will kill you slowly

 **comb ur ferre**  
Your new prerogative should be ignoring the messages you get so that you can be more involved in the realm of communication where people cannot talk to you about whether or not their shirt will be noticed or whether or not someone is immune to lactose unless they ask you directly

 **courfeyrock**  
ugh millennials am i right :???

 **comb ur ferre**  
You joke, but maybe you should…. unplug

 **comb ur ferre**  
At least for the rest of the time we’re here

 **comb ur ferre**  
It’ll help reduce your stress levels

 **courfeyrock**  
true……

 **courfeyrock**  
but then i’ll just be sitting there with eyes bearing into me after i dont check my phone to read the messages being sent by said owner of the eyes

 **comb ur ferre**  
Look back at them

 **comb ur ferre**  
Unblinkingly

 **comb ur ferre**  
It will establish that you’re done being involved in shenanigans

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
why did enjolras just ask if i got regular milk or soy milk in my coffee

 **grant air**  
why did he crinkle his eyebrows when i said soy

 **grant air**  
why is he concerned about which milk i am consuming

 **grant air**  
did he take his meds today??? i know he gets spacey if he waits too long to take them

 **grant air**  
Do You Not See Me Typing At You

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac

 **grant air**  
are you seriously ignoring me

 **grant air**  
Seriously?

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **grant air**  
i noticed you and courf texting and then courf setting his phone down and Not Picking It Back Up

 **grant air**  
what did you do

 **grant air**  
why have you taken him away from me in my time of need

 **comb ur ferre**  
If you have questions, you can ask him out loud

 **grant air**  
you……………………..

 **grant air**  
THWARTING advice and comfort…………………..

 **comb ur ferre**  
We are all your friends here

 **comb ur ferre**  
There doesn’t need to be secrets

 **grant air**  
You……. You Are Dead To Me

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **jolllly**

 **grant air**  
i was asking courf but combeferre RUDELY induced him to set down his phone so now i’m asking you

 **grant air**  
why did enjolras ask me which type of milk i am consuming

 **jolllly**  
he’s trying to figure out if more humans drink soy, 2%, or whole milk

 **jolllly**  
he’s gotta report back to the home planet…

 **grant air**  
maybe they should make corn milk

 **grant air**  
it’s yellow and pulpy

 **grant air**  
but you can get it without pulp and it’s just like drinking corn

 **jolllly**  
ok, gross but the antioxidant levels increase when you cook the corn so it would have to be drained from cooked corn...which i guess makes sense since dry corn is. dry?

 **jolllly**  
a concept: what if he’s just trying to make conversation

 **grant air**  
haha

 **grant air**  
nice joke

 **grant air**  
there’s something fishy going on…… he’s probably judging me for drinking soy milk

 **grant air**  
i bet he likes almond milk

 **jolllly**  
i forgot about almond milk!!!!!!!!

 **jolllly**  
instead of judging, hear me out, he could be… just… curious

 **grant air**  
hmmmmm

 **grant air**  
or……. consider………… he and courfeyrac were talking about me (for what purpose? who knows!) and somehow got on the topic of which milk i prefer with my coffee and enjolras despises me now because i drink soy

 **grant air**  
jk he always despises me BUT

 **jolllly**  
oooor maybe, if they were talking about you, they were just figuring out what to talk to you about… or something

 **jolllly**  
all my explanations just involve a willing, creative, non-coerced conversation topic from enjolras, because as we have talked about numerous times, he wants to hear what you have to say

 **jolllly**  
remember last year when we went to see the senior exhibit and enjolras asked you about the techniques you used and you explained chiaroscuro to him and he was nodding and asked you about the triptych of jeanne d’arc and was interested in how old-timey your paintings looked and you were like “umm yeah i like the old shit” and he asked what about it you like, etc etc etc, and you ended up talking to him for most of the time we were there because he was completely engaged in what you were telling him?

 **jolllly**  
he didn’t have to do that, but he did because he likes you and cares about what you have to say

 **jolllly**  
this is your brain saying “you can’t have this good thing” but yes you can, grantaire! you CAN have this good thing!

 **jolllly**  
if you recall, one of your goals in therapy is to be more compassionate toward yourself

 **jolllly**  
and to remind yourself that there are good interactions, not just bad ones

 **jolllly**  
you don’t need to keep thinking about the time you forgot to get enjolras ranch dip as a reason for why he hates you

 **grant air**  
hmmmmmmmmm

 **grant air**  
i GUESS

 **grant air**  
i will take this into consideration

 **jolllly**  
good!!

 **jolllly**  
that was not an invitation to ask enjolras 5 minutes late “what milk do YOU drink with your coffee”

 **grant air**  
Too Late

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **Enjolras**  
Why did he make a face when I said almond milk?

 **Enjolras**  
Is he judging me for drinking almond milk?

 **Enjolras**  
Courfeyrac?

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **Enjolras**  
Why did he make a face when I said almond milk?

 **comb ur ferre**  
Sorry, I was looking at a cat picture Bossuet sent me. Who?

 **Enjolras**  
Grantaire.

 **Enjolras**  
He made a face.

 **Enjolras**  
This leads me to believe that he could have 1) an aversion toward almond milk, 2) an aversion toward me drinking almond milk, 3) an aversion to me drinking anything, or 4) an aversion to me in general.

 **comb ur ferre**  
Well you have a 25% chance of being right, I guess. If those are the only options

 **comb ur ferre**  
There are probably more explanations than that, though

 **comb ur ferre**  
For example, he could have belatedly been turning the question back on you and repeated what you did when he answered

 **Enjolras**  
I didn’t make a face.

 **comb ur ferre**  
I distinctly recall your expression changing

 **Enjolras**  
I was thinking about his potential stomachache.

 **comb ur ferre**  
Because of lactase?

 **Enjolras**  
Yes.

 **comb ur ferre**  
I believe that you may be overthinking his reaction and blowing it out of proportion

 **comb ur ferre**  
Grantaire makes faces at you only jokingly

 **Enjolras**  
You don’t know that.

 **comb ur ferre**  
As a doctor and people listener I am distinctly qualified to say that yes, I do know that

 **Enjolras**  
He talks to you about me?

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **comb ur ferre**  
I may have made a mistake

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **Enjolras**  
Combeferre?

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **grant air**

 **Enjolras**  
When I answered with almond milk, you made a face. What was that face supposed to indicate?

 **grant air**  
uh

 **grant air**  
oh i had just guessed that you drank almond milk and then you said you drank it and i thought it was funny

 **Enjolras**  
Oh.

 **Enjolras**  
Thank you for explaining.

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
dont u O_O me wtf happened

 **courfeyrock**  
O______O

 **comb ur ferre**  
Enjolras: He talks to you about me?

 **comb ur ferre**  
That’s what happened

 **courfeyrock**  
FERRE

 **courfeyrock**  
...what do you think they talked about tho

 **comb ur ferre**  
Grantaire had “made a face” after Enjolras revealed that he drinks almond milk in his coffee and Enjolras was concerned about what that meant

 **comb ur ferre**  
I am having flashbacks to the day Enjolras sat between us on the couch when we were watching Planet Earth and asked what he could do to help Grantaire feel at ease when they are alone together

 **comb ur ferre**  
Because, and I remember this vividly, “he looks terrified whenever the prospect arises and I want to do whatever I can to help him feel more comfortable”

 **courfeyrock**  
oh jeez yeah…..

 **courfeyrock**  
it was right when david attenborough was talking about how penguins have knees but they’re like squished up inside them a little bit and look like they’re perpetually bent

 **courfeyrock**  
i actually might have been googling that nvm

 **courfeyrock**  
but yeah i remember

 **courfeyrock**  
why is it…… that they never………. believe that the other one likes them

 **courfeyrock**  
*enj voice* “I don’t want to make Grantaire feel uncomfortable”

 **courfeyrock**  
*r voice* “enjolras hates me”

 **comb ur ferre**  
I have an idea

 **courfeyrock**  
PLEASE be subtle this time

 **comb ur ferre**  
Haha

 **courfeyrock**  
how does this help At All

 **comb ur ferre**  
Wait one moment

 **courfeyrock**  
“SHOW HIM WHAT HE’S MISSING?????”

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe this……..

 **courfeyrock**  
do you know how much i have suffered since i have stepped in this coffee shop today…

 **courfeyrock**  
and u stop this madness with.,..That???

 **comb ur ferre**  
Well it Worked

 **comb ur ferre**  
Much more than I was expecting actually

 **comb ur ferre**  
Though I do not appreciate Musichetta informing me that my taste in coffee is “repugnant”

 **courfeyrock**  
ur plan couldn’t go perfectly for everyone involved...sorry…

 

 

 **chetta cheese** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **chetta cheese**  
just a question but what the hell was that

 **chetta cheese**  
“enjolras i’m sure that grantaire has never had almond milk, why don’t you show him what he’s missing” this is real life and not a fanfic

 **comb ur ferre**  
It worked for James Tiberius Kirk, why couldn’t it work for me

 **chetta cheese**  
Please

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **grant air**  
just a q but what the heck was that

 **grant air**  
like i’m honestly astounded that those words came out of your mouth

 **grant air**  
maybe you’ve been the real alien all along and you’ve been allowing enjolras to be the scapegoat so that you could continue your strange corny infiltration of earth

 **grant air**  
well here’s some news for you:

 **grant air**  
You Can’t Fool Me

 **grant air**  
I Know What You Are

 **comb ur ferre**  
Say it. Out loud

 **comb ur ferre**  
We watched Twilight last weekend please I didn’t mean for you to actually say it out loud

 **grant air**  
YOU’RE CAUGHT

 **grant air**  
or should i say

 **grant air**  
COBBT

 **comb ur ferre**  
That was atrocious

 **grant air**  
my point still stands (in a field of corn)

 **grant air**  
no more shall we fall right into your corny little kernely plots………. We See The Truth…………

 **grant air**  
for real tho you’re so lucky that ended with everyone drinking each other’s coffee and not an awkward silence as all of us turned to you in unison with pained gazes asking “why? why, combeferre? how could you do this?”

 **comb ur ferre**  
Unlike Courfeyrac, I am blessed

 **grant air**  
wow

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
combeferre is talking shit on you

 **courfeyrock**  
i downed the rest of his coffee soooo

 **courfeyrock**  
who is the real winner here

 **grant air**  
true but he’s throwing your cursed ass under the bus

 **courfeyrock**  
ughhh

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
don’t throw me under the metaphorical bus :(

 **comb ur ferre**  
I apologize

 **comb ur ferre**  
I had to defend my ability to turn circumstances to my favor

 **comb ur ferre**  
And “unlike Courfeyrac” may have slipped out

 **courfeyrock**  
very rude...very uncool...very harsh

 **courfeyrock**  
apology accepted tho...i Guess

 **courfeyrock**  
still though wtf was that plan you pulled out of your ass

 **comb ur ferre**  
It happened in the last fanfic I read

 **comb ur ferre**  
Inspiration can come from many places, and life does not always imitate fantasy, but today I was blessed

 **comb ur ferre**  
I feel like I need to go to service later today to thank G-d from saving me from…….. whatever may have happened if this did not go well

 **courfeyrock**  
mean-spirited arguments about milk and a 2am interrogation from enjolras about whether or not i think r is cute

 **comb ur ferre**  
Thank G-d This Did And Will Not Happen

 **comb ur ferre**  
Except I’m not sure how much more mean-spirited the roasting could have been just now

 **comb ur ferre**  
Ha. Roasting

 **courfeyrock**  
blocked

 **courfeyrock**  
also i know i accepted ur apology but uhhhh chetta is right…why did your coffee taste like death

 **comb ur ferre**  
I like my coffee strong

 **comb ur ferre**  
Strong enough to lift me throughout the day without breaking a sweat

 **comb ur ferre**  
Also I didn’t put in nearly enough creamer

 **courfeyrock**  
one day ...one day you’ll get it perfect

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **grant air**

 **courfeyrock**  
are you feeling any better…….about things…..

 **grant air**  
only joly liked my coffee so no

 **grant air**  
also? this muffin? this muffin that i’ve demolished by picking at it like a bird? this muffin that’s all crumbs?

 **grant air**  
not actually the greatest they’ve ever had here

 **grant air**  
it was lackluster

 **grant air**  
and it was hard to swallow with enjolras staring right over my shoulder for a good 75% of the time i was trying to eat it

 **courfeyrock**  
you should try the chocolate raspberry one next time :?

 **grant air**  
true i should

 **grant air**  
next time we all gather here and listen to combeferre try very unsubtly to get me and/or enjolras to do something weird

 **courfeyrock**  
i had Nothing to do with that plan

 **grant air**  
honestly even if you said you were behind that plan i would not believe it

 **grant air**  
it was. so bad

 **grant air**  
i wish you could make it to my podcast because uhhhh that’s sure something i’m going to talk about on there!

 **grant air**  
“hey guys it’s grantaire and today i’m here with courfeyrac to talk about our very good combeferre and How To Not Out Yourself As A Corn Alien”

 **grant air**  
*OUR VERY GOOD FRIEND

 **grant air**  
our very good combeferre

 **courfeyrock**  
that’s him...a very good combeferre

 **courfeyrock**  
one of a kind!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
i wish i didn’t have to miss it either :(

 **grant air**  
:(

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **courfeyrock**  
update from coffee shop: combeferre has terrible taste in coffee

 **grant air**  
combeferre is also the real corn alien so apologies @ enjolras for false accusations i take them back now that i see the light

 **courfeyrock**  
^retweet

 **chetta cheese**  


**chetta cheese**  
i took it upon myself

 **grant air**  
*zooms to twitter so that i can rt*

 **comb ur ferre**  
Please………….

 **comb ur ferre**  
I admit that my coffee was not the best but you don’t need to keep roasting me like this

 **chetta cheese**  
this just really……… Grinds My Beans

 **courfeyrock**  
PLEASE

 **courfeyrock**  
this cured my despresso

 **grant air**  
despresso

 **grant air**  
i can tell right now that we’re about to make a latte puns

 **chetta cheese**  
that was a shot in the dark but you right

 **chetta cheese**  
i can’t beanlieve that combeferre’s coffee led us to this

 **courfeyrock**  
it seems like a fair trade am i right

 **courfeyrock**  
the end of shit talking in exchange for coffee puns

 **grant air**  
we’re really brewing up a storm here guys

 **bahooter**  
what’s up i’m on break and eating a burrito

 **grant air**  
my dude how is the silverware

 **bahooter**  
on one side of me is a sink empty for once of dirty dishes

 **bahooter**  
on the other side of me, they are Gleaming

 **courfeyrock**  
tag yourself i’m the gleaming silverware

 **grant air**  
i’m the invisible dirty dishes

 **chetta cheese**  
i’m the two sides

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m Bahorel

 **bahooter**  
LMAO

 **bahooter**  
i snagged an early break cuz it turns out that there’s going to be a party here later so we’re gonna be washing so many fucking dishes

 **bahooter**  
we’re done For The Moment so i’m stuffing the burrito in my mouth as fast as possible

 **jolllly**  
don’t choke!!!! eating too fast is a health hazard!!

 **bahooter**  
ok for you i will slow it down

 **jolllly**  
thank you :)

 **grant air**  
saying burrito made me want one wtf

 **grant air**  
you Demon

 **chetta cheese**  
is this going to turn into a group trip to taco bell

 **courfeyrock**  
not if there's going to be cilantro involved

 **courfeyrock**  
(Ferre)

 **comb ur ferre**  
We can eat separate things

 **comb ur ferre**  
I don’t see Grantaire disavowing Jehan because Jehan eats cilantro

 **grant air**  
that’s because i love jehan purely and can look past his love for cilantro

 **grant air**  
also i’m going to actually go to taco bell after we fizzle out of here though i might just get a box of tacos to take home instead of a single burrito

 **grant air**  
gotta spend $18 in addition to this

 **grant air**  
(i googled the taco bell menu that’s how i know the price)

 **bahooter**  
lmao i just got yelled at for Taking A Break

 **bahooter**  
i’ll see you guys later

 **grant air**  
Good Luck

 **comb ur ferre**  
We believe in you

 **courfeyrock**  
sending you good vibes!!!!!!

 **jolllly**  
we pray for a safe shift

 **jolllly**  
also talking about taco bell made me crave it and you KNOW that taco bell gives me the shits

 **grant air**  
your digestive tract hates you

 **jolllly**  
it always makes me worry that something is Wrong With Me

 **jolllly**  
remember when i peed like 30 times over half an hour after getting taco bell?? that was so frightening

 **bossuette**  
it was so sad :( you couldn’t stop peeing

 **bossuette**  
(hi guys i wanted to join in on the messaging)

 **jolllly**  
me standing over the toilet crying while every 10 seconds new pee came out

 **comb ur ferre**  
I feel for you but Joly we were just discussing going to get food

 **jolllly**  
oops sorry guys

 **jolllly**  
thinking about this made me want to pee fml

 **grant air**  
your urethra hates you

 **jolllly**  
your urethra is not what generates urine

 **grant air**  
i have a q

 **grant air**  
where exactly IS urine generated

 **courfeyrock**  
*grantaire voice* have we finally discovered something that grantaire doesn’t know? ? ??? have we finally shredded his encyclopedia of a brain????

 **courfeyrock**  
also did you forget …. about the bladder

 **grant air**  
Leave Me Alone Perhaps?

 **grant air**  
i

 **grant air**  
the bladder

 **grant air**  
i’m Stupid what the Heck

 **jolllly**  
actually urine originates from the kidneys as a waste product

 **courfeyrock**  
wait

 **courfeyrock**  
pee passes through….. my torso?

 **grant air**  
ummm can i be a corn alien who does Not experience pee torso

 **comb ur ferre**  
You’ve lived this long with it happening

 **comb ur ferre**  
It’s a natural bodily function

 **grant air**  
Pee Lover

 **chetta cheese**  
ummm why scold joly but not grantaire????? this is More Gross

 **courfeyrock**  
are we going to ignore the phrase “pee lover” because i sure want to

 **chetta cheese**  
let’s ignore it

 **bossuette**  
seconded

 **comb ur ferre**  
Thirded

 **jolllly**  
fourthed

 **grant air**  
i’m a linguistic genius fuck you

 **grant air**  
on the bright side this kind of made me not want taco bell anymore

 **grant air**  
don’t wanna give joly the shits

 **jolllly**  
thank you for thinking of my bowel movements

 **prove air**  
what in the World have i come back to

 **courfeyrock**  
Anyway…………..

 **courfeyrock**  
jehan!!!!!!!!!

 **grant air**  
hi jehan i’m being a swamp monster

 **prove air**  
of Course you are

 **prove air**  
hello hello

 **Enjolras**  
How is work?

 **prove air**  
it’s….,,,, produce

 **prove air**  
my manager’s lovely though and is letting me cut my shift off early next sunday so that i can make it to marius’ welcome back party

 **jolllly**  
Why Was I Not Informed There Would Be A Party

 **courfeyrock**  
it’s a surprise party

 **courfeyrock**  
i may have forgotten to share it with the rest of you so…,,, surprise?

 **grant air**  
“welcome back! you survived your gpa trying to convert you back to orthodoxy”

 **courfeyrock**  
“you don’t need to pray anymore if you don’t want to”

 **prove air**  
“but let’s bless this immense quantity of gluten-free party bread after we eat it! let’s recite the birkat hamazon”

 **courfeyrock**  
marius gets embarrassed every time he bentsches bc he keeps forgetting that we’re gentiles so we don’t say it with him

 **courfeyrock**  
also? i love that it’s called bentsching

 **prove air**  
same i love it

 **prove air**  
also every time i smile at my phone my one coworker is like “talking with your boyfriend?” and i’m like Well

 **prove air**  
Technically He Is Included Here Yes

 **grant air**  
is this the one who always tells you you’re doing a great job

 **prove air**  
yes

 **prove air**  
she’s precious but also please……,,, i speak to people other than my partner

 **grant air**  
ummm actually? i am the entirety of your social circle

 **grant air**  
this is what happens when you start dating

 **courfeyrock**  
can confirm

 **courfeyrock**  
i have No friends other than my partners

 **courfeyrock**  
this chat? Full Of Strangers

 **courfeyrock**  
Who Are You People

 **chetta cheese**  
it’s true, we’re literally sitting at the table with muted conversation because we’re focused on our phones

 **chetta cheese**  
Us Dirty Millennials

 **jolllly**  
i’m a clean millennial thank you

 **prove air**  
aww

 **prove air**  
to be fair you’ve been at the coffee shop for like

 **prove air**  
almost 3 hours???

 **prove air**  
i know that i have to check pinterest every few hours

 **courfeyrock**  
um Same?

 **courfeyrock**  
gotta update my aesthetic boards...

 **grant air**  
true i started a trash board the other day and rn it’s just full of possums

 **prove air**  
so it’s a kin board

 **grant air**  
How Dare You

 **grant air**  
except yeah guess what guys i’m kin with fat possums holding toothbrushes

 **courfeyrock**  
cute!

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m kin with dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets because i, too, like to dream

 **jolllly**  
i’m kin with the toothbrush possum grantaire is holding

 **grant air**  
he keeps me from being alone

 **grant air**  
and tells me not to go into the road when there are cars coming

 **grant air**  
Safety-Conscious Toothbrush

 **jolllly**  
that’s me!

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m the oven Courfeyrac is cooked in

 **comb ur ferre**  
I warm him and occasionally burn him

 **grant air**  
that is a very creative way of saying “i cuddle and roast him”

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m an oven

 **comb ur ferre**  
What language skills do you require from me

 **prove air**  
write “i’m an oven” on my tombstone

 **prove air**  
also? i think i’m pinterest famous i just got hit with 57 notifications

 **grant air**  
i’m so proud of you

 **courfeyrock**  
wow…. promo me

 **courfeyrock**  
pin my shit and add my username in the descriptions

 **prove air**  
sorry i only promo in exchange for monetary donations

 **prove air**  
i’ll deliver you an invoice for $1 for every promo you want me to make, payable to my paypal

 **courfeyrock**  
can you give me a friend discount

 **prove air**  
$0.99

 **courfeyrock**  
What Kind Of Discount…………

 **prove air**  
i have to Eat, Courfeyrac

 **prove air**  
HEAVES A SIGH

 **prove air**  
i don’t want to go back to work, but alas! duty calls

 **prove air**  
i love you all  <3 <3 <3

 **grant air**  
good luck xx

 **courfeyrock**  
<3 <3 <3

 **Enjolras**  
Good luck!

 **comb ur ferre**  
We pray for you

 **grant air**  
well now it’s back to talking Out Loud

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
why did enjolras just invite me to Actually eat dinner with you guys

 **grant air**  
did i enter another universe

 **courfeyrock**  
that didn’t stop you from agreeing immediately *thinking emojis*

 **courfeyrock**  
group dinner invites aren’t That cryptic... it’s okay

 **courfeyrock**  
ur still in the same universe and the govt isnt run by mice

 **courfeyrock**  
that’s how i imagine an alternate universe sometimes...there’s also lots more cryptids? but like walking the streets

 **courfeyrock**  
anyway it’s fine

 **grant air**  
enjolras is a cryptid and he walks the streets

 **grant air**  
also yes… group dinner invites are not terribly uncommon… but enjolras? extending such an invitation to Me? Singularly, Me? Not Inviting Anyone Else?

 **grant air**  
is this another alien trick at attempting to seem human

 **courfeyrock**  
ok maybe

 **courfeyrock**  
but unlikely

 **courfeyrock**  
i mean it’d be kind of rude to not...invite you...like in general, since you’re Sitting with us

 **courfeyrock**  
considering earlier today you were talking about how fresh bad is for the bourgeoisie

 **courfeyrock**  
****FRESH BREAD

 **courfeyrock**  
and we’re sitting with jolychettasuet who presumably have plans of their own

 **courfeyrock**  
and who wouldn’t be able to dine w us anyway because our kitchen is not gluten-free

 **courfeyrock**  
and our place can only house so many people at one time

 **courfeyrock**  
also maybe he was just double checking about your $18 taco bell plans

 **grant air**  
i concede these points

 **grant air**  
however, i raise you a:

 **grant air**  
enjolras has been suspiciously inquisitive about my diet today

 **grant air**  
Very Suspiciously

 **grant air**  
i have no food allergens and i haven’t purged in months so why is he just… Asking Me About Food Suddenly

 **courfeyrock**  
it could just be enjolras’ topic of the day...

 **grant air**  
no there has to be a secret reason

 **grant air**  
he requires this info for Something

 **grant air**  
an excel spreadsheet about what everyone has been eating over the past week? a daily planner about what food he has discovered his friends eat? i have no idea but it’s suspicious

 **courfeyrock**  
as someone who has like eight planners that’s a terrible idea for a spread

 **courfeyrock**  
it would be so much work...who has time for More Work

 **grant air**  
enjolras

 **grant air**  
enjolras loves work

 **grant air**  
also i’m pretty sure micromanaging is his passion

 **grant air**  
like imagine him getting full on obsessive about this daily planner slash excel spreadsheet on food

 **grant air**  
“november 6: joly likes jolly ranchers. may be indicative of some inner turmoil, as he himself is jolly. gently investigate and get him something nice?”

 **courfeyrock**  
i mean...u have a point

 **courfeyrock**  
but also if he’s taking notes for his spreadsheet where is he putting them down

 **grant air**  
maybe he’s hyperfocusing on it in his brain space

 **grant air**  
repeating our coffee orders over and over in his head so he won’t forget

 **courfeyrock**  
i feel like he’d be Slightly more efficient than that ……………

 **courfeyrock**  
as zak bagans of ghost adventures would say...your theory has been Debunked

 **grant air**  
as grantaire “grant air” would say… enjolras is an alien we don’t know what he’s capable of

 **courfeyrock**  
wow i ALSO say that...cite me next time

 **grant air**  
it’s My quote? credited to Me?

 **grant air**  
cite Me thanks

 **courfeyrock**  
no...ur plagiarizing me...I Can’t Stand For This

 **grant air**  
i’m getting a lawyer

 **courfeyrock**  
i don’t even need a lawyer bc i AM one...almost

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **grant air**  
hey i am in need of your lawyer services i would like to request an indictment against courfeyrac for copyright infringement

 **Enjolras**  
What did he infringe on, exactly?

 **grant air**  
he is claiming my quote as his and demands that i cite him

 **Enjolras**  
Typically this kind of case would be dealt with through direct negotiation and would only go to court if the conflict remains unresolved.

 **Enjolras**  
As your legal representative, I would therefore advise negotiation with Courfeyrac to see if a compromise could be reached.

 **grant air**  
ok hold on

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
i am willing to negotiate

 **grant air**  
however i am unwilling to compromise unless you agree that this quote originates from me as i am the one who said it

 **grant air**  
the ball is in your court you thief of intellectual property

 **courfeyrock**  
i’ve literally been calling enjolras an alien since i moved in with him….sooooooooooooo :?

 **grant air**  
my exact statement was “enjolras is an alien we don’t know what he’s capable of” © grant air

 **grant air**  
have you ever spoken that exact sequence of words

 **courfeyrock**  
well no

 **courfeyrock**  
i thought you were trying to copyright enjolras as an alien in general

 **grant air**  
so you mistakenly accuse Me of plagiarism

 **grant air**  
when you cannot read

 **grant air**  
i can take you to court for defamation of character

 **courfeyrock**  
listen...listen

 **courfeyrock**  
i know at least like...A Lot Of Law Students...including myself

 **courfeyrock**  
Buddy

 **grant air**  
are you threatening me

 **grant air**  
is this a threat

 **courfeyrock**  
Is It…

 **courfeyrock**  
either it’s a threat or u could just...retract ur claim of copyright infringement...I Can Negotiate

 **grant air**  
i refuse to retract my claim of copyright infringement because you did indeed attempt to infringe upon my copyright and you acknowledged that this was due to a misconception on what exactly i was referring to

 **courfeyrock**  
is misconception grounds for a lawsuit when the accused also acknowledges their misconception as a fault...

 **grant air**  
ah, BUT

 **grant air**  
you went on to threaten me even after we cleared that up

 **grant air**  
you have committed two contraventions: non public slander  & insult and threats of violence

 **grant air**  
should you forfeit the negotiations we will go to court and i will have enjolras as my representative and he will wipe the floor with you and your “a lot of law students” Bullies

 **grant air**  
he will make you pay the maximum amount

 **courfeyrock**  
But Wait

 **courfeyrock**  
are YOU not threatening ME by explicitly stating that my best friend will willingly take me to court and “wipe the floor with [me]” (Grantaire 12.11.17)

 **courfeyrock**  
also, enjolras creates a conflict of interest considering the statement in question regards him and his reputation as either an alien or a human

 **grant air**  
you piece of shit

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **bossuette**

 **grant air**  
i require your services as a lawyer to take courfeyrac to court over two contraventions (non public slander  & insult and threats of violence)

 **grant air**  
i had previously enlisted enjolras but as i had made a statement regarding his reputation that would create a conflict of interest

 **bossuette**  
what’s the tea

 **grant air**  
the Tea is that i said “enjolras is an alien who knows what he’s capable of” © grant air and he accused me of plagiarism and although he later admitted that he had been mistaken, he proceeded to Threaten Me with his “a lot of lawyer students” who would be willing to back him up in court

 **bossuette**  
wow you should be in law school

 **bossuette**  
also, wouldn’t courfeyrac generalizing about his law student friends encompass All Of Us Who Are Law Students and place us as conflicts of interest

 **grant air**  
i hate all of you

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **grant air**  
day 1.6 of marius’ vacation: i miss marius because marius would never betray me and also he would denounce courfeyrac Instantly for slander

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe you’re trying to incriminate me by fabricating hints of now public slander by involving The Group Chat

 **courfeyrock**  
also marius don’t sue me i love you

 **grant air**  
he would sue you because he is a true friend and would want you to acknowledge that you have slandered me

 **comb ur ferre**  
What

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac is a snake who accuses me of plagiarism, then threatens me with his “a lot of law students” (i.e. you all) who would back his slanderous ass in court

 **courfeyrock**  
however i admitted to misconception and gave “threats” (i.e. DEFENSE) under duress due to accusations against my own character (i.e. “slanderous ass”)

 **courfeyrock**  
my ass is many things but it is NOT slanderous

 **grant air**  
so you admit, publicly, that you admitted your mistake, THEN threatened me

 **grant air**  
you follow an attack against my character with threats against my personage

 **grant air**  
and try to claim that that I AM THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE THREATS???

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac when marius returns from his vacation he will Murder You in the courtroom

 **courfeyrock**  
then you’ll have a lawyer charged with first-degree murder :?

 **grant air**  
murder, verb, slang for “wipe the floor with”, “defeat”, “win a victory over”

 **courfeyrock**  
first-degree metaphorical murder in metaphorical court because marius wouldn’t sue me :(

 **Enjolras**  
What even was the statement being plagiarized?

 **Enjolras**  
?

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **grant air**

 **courfeyrock**  
it occurs to me that “uhhh we were saying you were an alien” is not the best thing to say

 **courfeyrock**  
how do we fix this

 **courfeyrock**  
grantaire??

 **courfeyrock**  
grantaire who are you typing to

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **grant air**  
we were talking about your adhd  & i was like “maybe he’s hyperfocusing and remembering our coffee orders by repeating them in his head over and over so he won’t forget” (you’re remembering our coffee orders because you love to collect small facts about people)

 **grant air**  
and courf was like “no he’s more efficient than that”

 **grant air**  
and i was like “enjolras is an alien we don’t know what he’s capable of” © grant air

 **grant air**  
which occurs to us may be a joke told in bad taste considering you were not involved

 **Enjolras**  
It’s fine.

 **Enjolras**  
Out of context that sounds terrible, however, and I would appreciate jokes about other people being told within their vicinity, not in private.

 **grant air**  
yeah that’s 100% understandable

 **Enjolras**  
Incidentally, I actually was repeating your coffee orders in my head.

 **grant air**  
:O

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **courfeyrock**  
if grantaire is blaming me for his bad joke i demand restitution

 **courfeyrock**  
we love aliens and also you

 **Enjolras**  
I told Grantaire this, but in the future, jokes about other people should be confined to the group chat or to the person involved, not told in private between others.

 **courfeyrock**  
yeah of course

 **courfeyrock**  
sorry :(

 **Enjolras**  
It’s fine.

 **Enjolras**  
I forgive you for calling me an alien.

 **Enjolras**  
Also, thank you for wanting to think that my brain is efficient, but Grantaire was right. I was actually repeating all of your coffee orders in my head.

 **courfeyrock**  
oh my god enj

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **Enjolras**  
Am I transparent?

 **comb ur ferre**  
You are not Casper, no

 **comb ur ferre**  
Or do you mean predictable

 **Enjolras**  
Predictable. Alas, I am not a ghost.

 **Enjolras**  
Grantaire correctly guessed that I was making mental notes on everyone’s coffee orders.

 **comb ur ferre**  
Do you feel exposed? Or just surprised

 **Enjolras**  
A bit of both? I didn’t realize that he paid such close attention to me.

 **Enjolras**  
Why did you make that face?

 **Enjolras**  
Combeferre?

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **comb ur ferre**  
I don’t understand how they can be so unaware of each other

 **comb ur ferre**  
I know that Enjolras especially struggles with social cues

 **comb ur ferre**  
But this is verging on deliberately obtuse

 **courfeyrock**  
oh no

 **courfeyrock**  
what'd he say

 **comb ur ferre**  
“I didn’t realize that he paid such close attention to me”

 **comb ur ferre**  
I am at the end of my rope

 **courfeyrock**  
no……

 **courfeyrock**  
How

 **comb ur ferre**  
I don’t know

 **comb ur ferre**  
I honestly do not know

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **grant air**

 **Enjolras**  
Also, considering that you and Courfeyrac are currently at odds, would it be amenable to have dinner without him?

 **grant air**  
oh yeah you can come over to me and jehan’s

 **grant air**  
despite what i said about fresh bread earlier we did actually go grocery shopping recently so i can make something other than digiorno’s pizza

 **grant air**  
also? me and jehan have just been watching planet earth over and over

 **grant air**  
you can watch with us

 **Enjolras**  
When does he get off work?

 **grant air**  
he’s closing today so around 9:30

 **Enjolras**  
I hadn’t realized we would have to wait so long for him.

 **Enjolras**  
Would he be okay with me imposing?

 **grant air**  
um Yes? he loves you?

 **grant air**  
you are welcome at our abode at any time

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **Enjolras**  
Day 1.7 of Marius’ vacation: we are reduced to accusations of slander without him. We are sending an S.O.S. through foot taps.

 **Enjolras**  
Also, the barista is starting to give us looks for staying here so long.

 **Enjolras**  
Perhaps it would be best to leave?

 **courfeyrock**  
umm probably yeah tbh

 **jolllly**  
true………… let’s pack up

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
so i forgot that i had been drawing before i left and my sketchbook was still on the coffee table and enjolras glanced at it so i said he could look at it and i Forgot that i had Drawn Him In It

 **grant air**  
he paused on a pic of him and said “Oh.” out loud

 **grant air**  
do you know

 **grant air**  
how awful it is

 **grant air**  
to have enjolras look at a picture of himself and just say “Oh.”

 **courfeyrock**  
but what was the tone of the oh

 **grant air**  
so you know how we capitalize things for a certain emphasis or to convey a specific tone (i.e. “oh my G-d” has emphasis on the g-d, conveying a sense of Surprise! Shock! Astonishment! “Tell Me This Ain’t So!”)

 **grant air**  
his “oh” was an Oh.

 **grant air**  
complete with the full stop

 **grant air**  
the short kind of restrained feeling negative-neutral Oh.

 **courfeyrock**  
he could just be like confused...about it…

 **courfeyrock**  
tell him u were Practicing...or something

 **grant air**  
i panicked and said “sorry you weren’t supposed to see that”

 **grant air**  
and he gave me this Look

 **grant air**  
and now i’ve fled to the kitchen to make him food wondering what i’m doing with my life and whether or not it would be worth slitting my wrists with a kitchen knife

 **grant air**  
jehan sharpened them recently so they’re not dull

 **courfeyrock**  
it’s going to be ok

 **courfeyrock**  
it was just a fluke and maybe he’ll end up rly liking the picture once he thinks abt it

 **grant air**  
or maybe he’ll think i’m a weird creep who deserves to be stoned to death???

 **courfeyrock**  
i DOUBT it

 **courfeyrock**  
consider, perhaps... that he would Never?

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **Enjolras**  
There’s a picture of me in his sketchbook.

 **courfeyrock**  
that’s cool :0

 **courfeyrock**  
how’d you find this out

 **Enjolras**  
I looked.

 **Enjolras**  
He gave me permission.

 **Enjolras**  
But when I saw the picture he said that I wasn’t meant to see it.

 **courfeyrock**  
wow

 **courfeyrock**  
wow i wish r would draw Me secretly

 **Enjolras**  
Oh.

 **Enjolras**  
Because he thinks you’re cute?

 **courfeyrock**  
what

 **courfeyrock**  
oh

 **courfeyrock**  
i mean………,,, i guess……….?????

 **Enjolras**  
Do you think he’s cute?

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
so you remember several hours ago when i came to you in a crisis like “i told enjolras r thinks i’m cute” and you were like “watch him confront you about this at 2am”

 **courfeyrock**  
well he did not wait that long

 **comb ur ferre**  
You’re cursed

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **courfeyrock**  
he is…..,,,,, a…. .. .n agreeable specimen, yes

 **courfeyrock**  
i would not call him ugly that’s for sure

 **courfeyrock**  
do YOU think he’s cute

 **courfeyrock**  
enjolras?

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
i asked enjolras if he thinks grantaire is cute 15 minutes ago and he still hasn’t replied

 **courfeyrock**  
grantaire hasn’t messaged me either????

 **courfeyrock**  
im convinced that time has actually stopped because i’ve asked something Forbidden

 **comb ur ferre**  
I say again: you’re cursed

 **comb ur ferre**  
Today has not been your day

 **courfeyrock**  
what do i doooooooo

 **comb ur ferre**  
Well

 **comb ur ferre**  
Normally I would suggest a bath but you’ve already showered today

 **comb ur ferre**  
But you have some Lush bath bombs you haven’t used yet, right

 **comb ur ferre**  
Treat yourself

 **courfeyrock**  
if everyone dies while i take a bath i’m quoting u in my defense

 **comb ur ferre**  
I will take the fall

 **courfeyrock**  
LOUD SIGH

 **courfeyrock**  
i guess i’m going………..

 **courfeyrock**  
if something dramatic happens u have to let me know

 **comb ur ferre**  
Let’s hope nothing happens

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **Enjolras**  
I asked Grantaire if he thought Courfeyrac was cute.

 **Enjolras**  
He dumped the pasta into the sink instead of the strainer.

 **comb ur ferre**  
I see

 **comb ur ferre**  
Why were you asking him about that

 **Enjolras**  
Courfeyrac said it earlier.

 **comb ur ferre**  
I’m fairly certain that he has said that everyone finds him cute

 **comb ur ferre**  
Including the majority of our parents, Père Noël, and the spirit of Jehan’s toaster

 **Enjolras**  
That’s true.

 **Enjolras**  
I just wanted to know if Grantaire finds him generally pleasing as most people do or if he finds him Attractive.

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **comb ur ferre**  
It has been five minutes and Enjolras asked Grantaire if he thinks you’re cute

 **comb ur ferre**  
In response, Grantaire ruined their dinner

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **comb ur ferre**  
What did he say

 **Enjolras**  
He said no.

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **comb ur ferre**  
He also said you’re not cute

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **comb ur ferre**  
How do you feel about that

 **Enjolras**  
I think that we’re going to go to the store to get new pasta. Brb.

 **comb ur ferre**  
Take your time

 **comb ur ferre**  
When I said take your time I thought you’d be back in 20 minutes

 **comb ur ferre**  
But it has been half an hour with no sign of you

 **comb ur ferre**  
Enjolras?

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe i’m not cute

 **comb ur ferre**  
Assumedly he was very flustered, considering he dumped the pasta in the sink

 **comb ur ferre**  
Also Enjolras has dodged my questioning and has not been seen for over half an hour

 **courfeyrock**  
he dodged me too….suspicious :?

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **grant air**

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m cute

 **courfeyrock**  
Jerk

 **grant air**  
i was cornered

 **grant air**  
i didn’t know what else to say

 **grant air**  
why did he ask me if i liked you

 **courfeyrock**  
i may have hypothesized earlier that you did oops

 **grant air**  
i Laughed

 **grant air**  
enjolras looked at me and i just said “courfeyrac thought i thought he was cute”

 **grant air**  
you? You Deserve That

 **courfeyrock**  
i just took a relaxing bath :(

 **courfeyrock**  
do i have to do a juice cleanse too to clear this bad energy wtf

 **grant air**  
ok ok i apologize for ruining the aftermath of your relaxing bath

 **grant air**  
no more bad energy

 **grant air**  
i do have a single q however

 **grant air**  
how the Heck did the topic of me finding you cute come up

 **courfeyrock**  
uhh when

 **courfeyrock**  
the first or second time :?

 **grant air**  
why have you hypothesized this numerous times

 **courfeyrock**  
it’s a Cover Story...get with the program…,,,

 **grant air**  
wait

 **grant air**  
a cover story for What

 **courfeyrock**  
he thought that u wore new shirts when only i was around...and he was wondering why…

 **courfeyrock**  
and i wasn’t gonna be like Well You See, Actually

 **courfeyrock**  
so i said it was because you thought i was cute

 **courfeyrock**  
and then he maybe messaged me about the sketchbook and i said i wished you drew ME as a distraction

 **courfeyrock**  
and that rekindled the memory that i said u liked me :? oops

 **grant air**  
haha

 **grant air**  
what

 **grant air**  
ok i have 2 qs

 **grant air**  
1) in what world is that an acceptable explanation “haha oh yeah he’s wearing new shirts for me :) glad u noticed” like could you not have just said “oh huh i’ve never noticed”

 **grant air**  
2) why would he care

 **grant air**  
courf

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac?

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac????

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
i am Not paid enough

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **prove air**

 **grant air**  
i think enjolras thinks i'm not a good suitor for courfeyrac, which is technically fine because i have no interest in becoming a suitor but is also vaguely insulting because i am a fantastic partner? just last week we went grocery shopping and purchased not just one vegetable, but Numerous

 **grant air**  
when you get off work please come home and inform enjolras subtly that i am a wonderful and thoughtful partner (as he is here in our apartment watching planet earth with me)

 **grant air**  
also i love and cherish you

 **grant air**  
also there’s a mess of noodles in the sink

 **grant air**  
nvm enjolras is cleaning it up

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
so enjolras and i have had a talk over our new pasta

 **grant air**  
and we have decided

 **grant air**  
that you are hereby Banned from saying the word cute

 **grant air**  
also i forgive you for lying But If You Encourage That Line Of Thinking Ever Again I Will Not Hesitate To Sue For Slander

 **courfeyrock**  
sorry :(

 **grant air**  
tomorrow after work do you want to come over and watch a movie with me and jehan

 **grant air**  
in the name of forgiveness

 **courfeyrock**  
yes……...sounds Nice

 **grant air**  
jehan bought some stickers when we went grocery shopping so he’ll probably give you a sheet for your planners

 **grant air**  
they’re neurotypical “do yoga” stickers

 **courfeyrock**  
omg perfect yes...pls

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m not allowed to say qt anymore or i’m going to get sued

 **comb ur ferre**  
You have been getting sued for a lot of things today

 **comb ur ferre**  
Perhaps you should rethink your career in law

 **courfeyrock**  
at least i can be my own lawyer

 **courfeyrock**  
also it has just been a rough day in general

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe i was threatened with a lawsuit

 **comb ur ferre**  
I think it’s because Marius is gone

 **comb ur ferre**  
He makes things a little brighter

 **comb ur ferre**  
Without him we apparently degenerate into infighting and accusations of slander

 **courfeyrock**  
gay

 **courfeyrock**  
but also yeah tru

 **courfeyrock**  
i miss him :/

 **comb ur ferre**  
We all do

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **comb ur ferre**  
Day 1.8 of Marius’ vacation: we miss him greatly and wish he were here

 **courfeyrock**  
like...rly badly

 **closette**  
this was a wonderful message to come back to

 **closette**  
hello all i am finally off work

 **courfeyrock**  
THANK GOD

 **courfeyrock**  
i also missed u sm

 **closette**  
i missed you too!

 **grant air**  
cosette at long last you return

 **grant air**  
i was starting to wonder if you’d ever come back from the store

 **courfeyrock**  
sometimes i think i won’t tbh

 **grant air**  
the keebler hat……. Becomes You

 **grant air**  
Trapped…. A Keebler Elf Forever………

 **courfeyrock**  
not unless i jump from the top of the keebler tree,,,,...

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **closette**

 **courfeyrock**  
im dying!!!

 **closette**  
what happened?? i didn’t backread at all

 **courfeyrock**  
i caused Havoc and now at the end of it all i have to delete the word c*te (u) from my vocab or else be sued and have to be my own lawyer

 **courfeyrock**  
im also just really sad

 **courfeyrock**  
i think my brain broke after everyone left

 **closette**  
aww

 **closette**  
i can come over and cuddle with you

 **courfeyrock**  
please…...i even used up my last bath bomb

 **closette**  
oh no :( we should go back to lush sometime this week to get more

 **courfeyrock**  
ummm on payday ...yes

 **courfeyrock**  
i also need to buy decorations for marius’ surprise party...

 **closette**  
once we’re paid……..

 **closette**  
though for the decorations we could ask everyone to pitch in?

 **courfeyrock**  
true but isn’t that like … too expectant of me idk

 **courfeyrock**  
like if im planning it and making it happen and then im like hey guys also help me pay for this...idk

 **courfeyrock**  
i might also just be feeling bad right now and overthinking things

 **closette**  
it’s not too expectant, we’re all pitching in for a party to welcome marius back from hell week

 **closette**  
i’ll ask combeferre to get it organized so that you don’t have to ask yourself, okay? xx

 

 

 **closette** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **closette**  
could i bother you to organize a donation pile so that we can buy decorations for marius’ party? payday is still a few days away

 **comb ur ferre**  
Of course

 **closette**  
also, you could go and cuddle with courfeyrac while i drive over, and then cuddle him with me

 **comb ur ferre**  
True

 **comb ur ferre**  
He’s had a very rough day

 **closette**  
i can tell :(

 **closette**  
i’ll be over soon, please try to help him while i drive

 

 

 **feuilleaf** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **feuilleaf**  
i live………

 **jolllly**  
gasp

 **jolllly**  
it’s been so long... i thought you were a goner

 **feuilleaf**  
i’m only here for a few hours before i have to go back to work

 **feuilleaf**  
at least night shift in the hotel isn’t as bad as day shift

 **jolllly**  
yikes… i hope you can get enough sleep tomorrow to catch up at least

 **jolllly**  
also i think everyone is either dead or working or both (likely?)

 **feuilleaf**  
that’s fine, i honestly might try to nap

 **feuilleaf**  
but how has your day been?

 **jolllly**  
a few of us got coffee and stayed there for so long the barista almost kicked us out? potentially

 **jolllly**  
i also had terrible taco bell flashbacks

 **feuilleaf**  
the time you peed for half an hour straight?

 **jolllly**  
yes

 **feuilleaf**  
that was a dark and terrible day

 **feuilleaf**  
i’m so tired

 **grant air**  
feuilly you hardworking angel

 **grant air**  
you should nap

 **feuilleaf**  
hello!

 **grant air**  
how was your day

 **feuilleaf**  
very tiring

 **feuilleaf**  
my feet ache

 **feuilleaf**  
but i’ll be sitting down in the hotel, so i can’t complain

 **grant air**  
you are an inspiration to us all

 **jolllly**  
are you wearing your shoe inserts

 **feuilleaf**  
……… no………………..

 **jolllly**  
feuilly!!!!!!!!!!

 **feuilleaf**  
i forgot to put them in!!!!!!!!!!

 **jolllly**  
i almost said “i will put them in For You” but that would involve going to your house specifically to put your shoe inserts in which is… hmm…. A Bit Odd

 **feuilleaf**  
a bit, but the sentiment is appreciated

 

 

 **prove air** sent a message to **grant air**

 **prove air**  
hello darling do you still need me to talk you up

 **grant air**  
no it’s ok things have been resolved without it

 **grant air**  
we talked about it and i still don't understand the logistics behind courfeyrac's excuse, nor enjolras' interest in the answer, so i said courf is a slug (sorry courf) and then we banned him from saying the word cute

 **grant air**  
now we’re watching planet earth

 **prove air**  
i’m glad things got better, even though you Did call courf a slug

 **prove air**  
i love you

 **grant air**  
love you too

 **grant air**  
we’re on ep 3 “fresh water”

 **grant air**  
did you know that lake baikal has the world’s only freshwater seal

 **prove air**  
sweetheart we’ve seen this episode twice since november started yes i know

 **prove air**  
i am however always astonished by how cute they are

 **grant air**  


**grant air**  
they’re adorable

 **prove air**  
honestly? my new favorite animal

 **prove air**  
its little face and big eyes

 **grant air**  
if you come home soon we can rewind to it

 **prove air**  
i am On My Way

 

 

 **prove air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **prove air**  
i hear that you were involved in what sounds like very confusing drama today so i hope that things have calmed down. i am very sorry about your ban on the word cute

 **prove air**  
also we may be stealing enjolras for the night, we’re curled up on the couch with r’s throw blanket watching planet earth

 **prove air**  
i hope that cosette and combeferre are keeping you company in marius’ absence xx

 **courfeyrock**  
jehan my friend…,, i am indeed being kept company

 **courfeyrock**  
in fact i’m in a c sandwich

 **courfeyrock**  
how was work

 **prove air**  
it was……. produce

 **prove air**  
i’m waiting to leave

 **courfeyrock**  
oh also grantaire said i could come over tmrw after he gets done w work n we could watch a movie together :?

 **prove air**  
that sounds lovely

 **prove air**  
i will keep any threats of slander at bay

 **courfeyrock**  
bless………………...

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **courfeyrock**  
guys i just remembered that i get my results back tomorrow

 **courfeyrock**  
i can’t believe i’m going to be told i don’t have adhd

 **feuilleaf**  
you definitely have adhd

 **feuilleaf**  
haven’t you and enjolras gone over symptoms with enjolras saying “yes, i experience this as well”

 **feuilleaf**  
enjolras, a confirmed adhd

 **courfeyrock**  
maybe i’m faking it!!!!!!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
also there are some things we did NOT share in common so i’m not even faking WELL

 **prove air**  
there are different types of adhd and also no one has the exact same display of symptoms

 **prove air**  
ex. grantaire and i both have bipolar but our symptoms manifest differently

 **prove air**  
it doesn’t make you any less valid

 **prove air**  
also ily i’m driving back

 **courfeyrock**  
ily2,,,

 **courfeyrock**  
also true, HOWEVER

 **courfeyrock**  
That Imposter Syndrome

 **grant air**  
if you’re not adhd i’ll eat a sock

 **courfeyrock**  
thanks

 **grant air**  
that is how i will stand in support of you

 **courfeyrock**  
solidarity!!

 **Enjolras**  
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional.

 **Enjolras**  
However, as someone who does have ADHD, your symptoms do point toward it, though not all of our symptoms match up. As Jehan said, one person's presentation of symptoms is not the only way that a disorder can be manifested.

 **Enjolras**  
Tomorrow you’re going to be told that you have ADHD, and you will most likely receive a new medication to help manage symptoms.

 **feuilleaf**  
enjolras is right

 **feuilleaf**  
also, there are legitimate doctors within our group

 **jolllly**  
doctor here! and you have adhd

 **courfeyrock**  
Thanks

 **courfeyrock**  
ok no really thank you all

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m just………,,, Nervous

 **courfeyrock**  
i keep thinking about being told “you fool… you wasted our time”

 **grant air**  
only bad practices say that and you always come back from therapy like “i love my therapist? she’s a doll”

 **courfeyrock**  
but that’s because i haven’t been WRONG yet……….

 **jolllly**  
technically speaking, noticing your symptoms can never be “wrong”

 **jolllly**  
you make an inference based on the information available to you, and the conclusion you come to may be wrong but that doesn’t erase the fact that the symptoms are still there

 **courfeyrock**  
all of you…. giving me Love and Logic…. not allowing me to Wallow In Anxiety…!!!!!!

 **jolllly**  
us fiends…… how dare we love and support you…………….

 **courfeyrock**  
smh

 **courfeyrock**  
but really guys thank you i appreciate it

 **courfeyrock**  
gotta get all my anxiety out tonight so that i’m Void Of Feelings tomorrow when i go in

 **stop calling me pony**  
i come home, open my fridge, and discover that gavroche and azelma ate all my bagel bites

 **grant air**  
i bought u 3 boxes of bagel bites

 **grant air**  
they ate all 3 boxes???

 **stop calling me pony**  
yes

 **stop calling me pony**  
i want to kill myself i've had dreams involving bagel bites for the past 2 nights because i wanted to save them for when i really craved them which is Now

 **grant air**  
you waited too long, they figured it was free game

 **jolllly**  
start writing your name on your food!! it works with us

 **stop calling me pony**  
that's because you're interacting with adults

 **feuilleaf**  
grantaire... buy her another box

 **grant air**  
i'll swing by after work tmrw w another bagel bite

 **grant air**  
and separate candies for the kids so they will be dissuaded from devouring your second batch of bagel bites

 **stop calling me pony**  
gav says he wants gummy bears, azelma wants calissons

 **grant air**  
i'm writing this on my arm

 **Enjolras**  
Welcome back, Ep. How was work?

 **grant air**  
(he's looking on here bc he was like "why are you writing on urself")

 **stop calling me pony**  
it was work

 **stop calling me pony**  
another day of being a corporate slave but c'est la vie

 **stop calling me pony**  
there are too many messages in the gc so someone catch me up with what's happened throughout the day

 **courfeyrock**  
i was sued

 **grant air**  
i was counter sued

 **stop calling me pony**  
that was very clear thank you

 **stop calling me pony**  
gav wants to say hi so i’m handing him my phone. no swear words

 **stop calling me pony**  
as if i dont know cuss words

 **stop calling me pony**  
you better be giving us the brand name shit

 **grant air**  
yes i will give you the brand name haribo gummy bears and calissons d’aix-en-provence you money grubber

 **courfeyrock**  
hi gavgav

 **stop calling me pony**  
hi poophead

 **grant air**  
what have we said about bullying courfeyrac

 **stop calling me pony**  
you cant tell me what to do a contract signed by a minor is not legally binding

 **courfeyrock**  
ENJOLRAS WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING HIM

 **Enjolras**  
Oops.

 **prove air**  
enjolras had only wanted to educate the youth of today

 **stop calling me pony**  
im not a youth im 12

 **grant air**  
gav that’s a youth

 **stop calling me pony**  
fuck you

 **jolllly**  
you’re willing to be called a minor…… but not a youth

 **stop calling me pony**  
fuck you too

 **jolllly**  
Gav I’m Trying To Understand

 **grant air**  
minors are incomprehensible

 **grant air**  
also gavroche if you refuse to comply with the terms that we both agreed to i am no longer required by that same contract to buy you expensive foods

 **grant air**  
which means i don’t need to buy brand name stuff

 **grant air**  
your move

 **stop calling me pony**  
fine

 **stop calling me pony**  
i’ll stop calling courfeyrac a poophead

 **grant air**  
courfeyrac please thank gavroche for his great sacrifice

 **courfeyrock**  
gavroche,... i recognize your sacrifice

 **courfeyrock**  
in the future we shall battle again

 **stop calling me pony**  
and i have wrangled my phone back from him

 **stop calling me pony**  
azelma says hi to you courf

 **courfeyrock**  
hello slightly bigger child

 **stop calling me pony**  
on the day you can make that Not sound like an insult maybe i’ll actually relay it to her

 **grant air**  
he’s doing his best

 **grant air**  
love how she still has a baby crush on him tho

 **courfeyrock**  
UGH don’t remind me

 **courfeyrock**  
i don’t want to be a 16 yr old’s first crush!!!!!!! that should go to a celebrity like zac efron or something

 **jolllly**  
zac efron starred in hsm in 2006

 **courfeyrock**  
what

 **courfeyrock**  
WHAT

 **courfeyrock**  
it came out ??? 11 yrs ago ??????????

 **courfeyrock**  
IT CAME OUT WHEN SHE WAS 5?????

 **jolllly**  
i know…… it’s horrible

 **grant air**  
sorry courf she can’t think he’s cute bc she was 5

 **courfeyrock**  
i’m stunned

 **courfeyrock**  
who the HECK do teens find attractive nowadays???

 **grant air**  
i tried looking at the disney channel website but uhhh i don’t see any boys anywhere

 **grant air**  
oh maybe one direction

 **courfeyrock**  
ok but WE think 1d is cute

 **grant air**  
liam wants the band back together and i’m like same

 **grant air**  
but yeah idk who else other than one direction

 **grant air**  
ep you live with her tell us

 **stop calling me pony**  
you think i ask about her celebrity crushes? no

 **stop calling me pony**  
i only know what music she likes because her friend bought her a 21p poster off redbubble

 **grant air**  
ah yes… schizopop

 **grant air**  
maybe she’s retro and thinks gerard way is cute

 **grant air**  
also that he’s dating frank iero

 **stop calling me pony**  
stop thinking about my sister shipping rpf

 **courfeyrock**  
we’ve all been there pony

 **courfeyrock**  
you don’t need to be ashamed

 **stop calling me pony**  
Stop

 **stop calling me pony**  
anyway i’m going to shower and then Sleep

 **grant air**  
nite nite pony

 **courfeyrock**  
dream of the hoof fight you never got to have w bahorel

 **stop calling me pony**  
god i’d forgotten about that

 **stop calling me pony**  
anyway nite

 **Enjolras**  
Good night!

 **jolllly**  
sweet dreams!!!!

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
so i’m just making sure we’re ok after the accusations of slander

 **courfeyrock**  
yeah we’re good

 **courfeyrock**  
i forgive you………. IF you tell me about how the situation is with enjolras there ;)

 **courfeyrock**  
jehan said you were All Curled Up????

 **grant air**  
yes we are all occupying the same couch

 **grant air**  
as you know enjolras curls up against the side of the couch and i was on the other end but then jehan came and squished in btwn me and the arm so i am currently leaning against enjolras’ legs

 **courfeyrock**  
Scandalous

 **courfeyrock**  
how does this ;) make you ;) feel ;)

 **courfeyrock**  
does it help you feel less like enjolras hates you still for forgetting his ranch that one time

 **grant air**  
the aerial maneuvers i am performing in an attempt to stop him from being able to see my screen right now would win me an oscar

 **grant air**  
WHY does everyone know that i think of that singular moment

 **grant air**  
but it’s going good i guess

 **grant air**  
i mean he cleaned up the pasta from my sink

 **grant air**  
and he keeps

 

 

 **comb ur ferre** sent a message to **grant air**

 **comb ur ferre**  
I appreciate that you have made up with Courfeyrac after the suing incident

 **comb ur ferre**  
But Cosette and I have been getting jabbed by his elbows while he texted the gc and now you

 **comb ur ferre**  
Please save our ribs

 **grant air**  
ok ok i’ll do parting words

 

 

 **grant air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **grant air**  
anyway i’ll let you go back to the c sandwich ;)

 **courfeyrock**  
you cant just leave off like this

 **courfeyrock**  
“enjolras keeps” what?? he keeps WHAT???

 **courfeyrock**  
GRANTAIRE!!!!!?!???

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **prove air**

 **courfeyrock**  
what does enjolras keep doing

 **prove air**  
what do you mean

 **courfeyrock**  
grantaire cut himself off when he said “enjolras keeps doing ___”

 **courfeyrock**  
What Is He Doing

 **prove air**  
oh!

 

 

 **closette** sent a message to **prove air**

 **closette**  
save a ferre and cosette rib by halting texting today

 **prove air**  
you got it love  <3

 

 

 **prove air** sent a message to **courfeyrock**

 **prove air**  
oh wow look at the time! i have to take a sleeping pill

 **prove air**  
talk to you tomorrow, good luck with your results xx

 **courfeyrock**  
NOT YOU TOO

 **courfeyrock**  
jehan!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **courfeyrock**  
JEHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 **courfeyrock** sent a message to **Enjolras**

 **courfeyrock**  
so how’s being at grantaire and jehan’s :)

 **courfeyrock**  
enjolras :)

 **courfeyrock**  
enjolras????

 **courfeyrock**  
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

 

 

 **Enjolras** sent a message to **comb ur ferre**

 **Enjolras**  
i stole his phone to give you peace

 **Enjolras**  
cherish it

 

 

 **bahooter** sent a message to **we <3 marius**

 **bahooter**  
i live once more… at long last….,,,

 **bahooter**  
i never want to see a single dish or silverware again except i gotta bc i gotta eat when i go back home

 **bahooter**  
is no one welcoming me back

 **bahooter**  
is everyone asleep

 **bahooter**  
guys????

**Author's Note:**

> my qp and i wrote this because we love & miss marius
> 
> you can find us on tumblr at [werewoofed](http://www.werewoofed.tumblr.com) (as they do not have an ao3 and the current predicament w invitations means that they won't be getting one for the foreseeable future) and [unclertow](http://www.unclertow.tumblr.com) (which is. an empty tumblr that i made specifically for this pseud bc i don't actually use tumblr and also, um, anxiety?)
> 
> the real chapter has thinking emojis after grantaire and jehan's names but ao3, i learned while trying to post this, does not support emojis. the more you know


End file.
